Today is one day after someone called me to ask whether I had heard that Whitney Houston had died. Of course I hadn't heard that... because she hadn't died. I was on my way to the supermarket and when I got there, I looked carefully into the faces of the shoppers. You see, I wanted to find signs that an alarming tragedy had not just happened. Seeing nothing, I asked two customers... but they knew nothing. My hope was alive, albeit fleeting. I was starting to see news on my smartphone. Of course, now we all know the story is true even though it took a while to be reported. Sad.
Sadder yet were the quick reports re-emphasizing the less glorious parts of Whitney's life. Certainly, the star of Whitney Houston had shone brightly in its time, hadn't it? Maybe I am one of the few who was surprised at her passing. Surprised because I was waiting for the movie Sparkle, and the new starts that would accompany it. Surprised because I knew Whitney was trying to make a comeback. Surprised because I wanted Whitney to finish strong and triumphant. And maybe she did.
In searching for a way to make sense of this passing that for me feels devastatingly shocking and so, so sad, I want to share a recent post by one of my FB friends. She wrote, "A flawed diamond is infinitely more valuable than a perfect pebble. How apt as we reflect on the life and times of Whitney Houston! Maybe we could resolve to be more accepting of each other - flaws and all, remembering that we all "have this treasure in jars of clay ...". After all, perfection is a figment of an over-active imagination."
As you look to develop your inner winner, you owe it to your best self to nurture the treasure of a gift you've been given. Nurture your talent in your jar of clay, and honor it so your light will shine.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Don't Be Blindsided!!
"If we would ourselves as others see us, it would from many a blunder free us", became a familiar signature phrase for one radio show announcer in New York, as he ended his segment on Saturday evenings. How true it is.
Recently I recommended a 360 feedback for someone. This is aggregated feedback from persons who work (have worked) with you at different levels, and should include peers, superiors, and subordinates. Its purpose is to provide a comprehensive (360-degree view) of the way one is perceived. Its premise is that we all have blindspots.
Imagine showing up at work each day and completing the work you are assigned. You get it done on time, even ahead of time. You offer to be a resource for others should they need help. You get along with even the most notorious curmudgeon in the team. How you do it? No one knows... but you do it. You get invited to all the after-work events because people genuinely enjoy your company. Yet, you never seem to snag the carrot. You get paltry increases, overlooked for promotions, and can never seem to land the sexy projects. Now that you think about it, is there maybe a little (almost indecipherable) tension between you and your manager? Something is wrong but you just can't seem to put a finger on it.
During the course of obtaining the feedback, I was startled by two things:
1) People will not always volunteer feedback, even if it is constructive. You have got to ask for it!
2) The way others see you is the truth they believe about you ... but you won't know unless you ask!
Here's one for your toolkit: Initiate your own 360. Ask for feedback so you can begin to know how others see you. That way you will avoid the blind side.
Recently I recommended a 360 feedback for someone. This is aggregated feedback from persons who work (have worked) with you at different levels, and should include peers, superiors, and subordinates. Its purpose is to provide a comprehensive (360-degree view) of the way one is perceived. Its premise is that we all have blindspots.
Imagine showing up at work each day and completing the work you are assigned. You get it done on time, even ahead of time. You offer to be a resource for others should they need help. You get along with even the most notorious curmudgeon in the team. How you do it? No one knows... but you do it. You get invited to all the after-work events because people genuinely enjoy your company. Yet, you never seem to snag the carrot. You get paltry increases, overlooked for promotions, and can never seem to land the sexy projects. Now that you think about it, is there maybe a little (almost indecipherable) tension between you and your manager? Something is wrong but you just can't seem to put a finger on it.
During the course of obtaining the feedback, I was startled by two things:
1) People will not always volunteer feedback, even if it is constructive. You have got to ask for it!
2) The way others see you is the truth they believe about you ... but you won't know unless you ask!
Here's one for your toolkit: Initiate your own 360. Ask for feedback so you can begin to know how others see you. That way you will avoid the blind side.
Friday, January 20, 2012
You are so Much More....
In a day when popular media would have us believe we are no more than desperate Bachelorettes and dueling Housewives I am so pleased to remind you that you are so much more. So much more.
Almost one hundred years ago, in November, 1912, a seminal Oregon ballot measure passed that granted women the right to vote. In 2011, three women from war-torn patriarchical societies won the Nobel peace prize.
Women at every level are changing the landscape. Women are still a force with which to be reckoned. I was particularly thrilled to learn how the Liberian women would stop at nothing to end the destructive practices of Charles Taylor and his warlords including withholding sexual intimacy from their husbands, to stripping naked (a shameful thing), and unwavering protest. We are as strategic as we are savvy and we definitely have power.
At a recent political debate in 2012, that was attended by people who longed for the traditional values US, many, if not all in the audience gave presidential candidate Newt Gingrich a standing ovation. See the speaker asked him to respond to statements by his former wife that Gingrich left his first wife while she was fighting cancer and took up with wife number 2. While married to wife number 2, he had a 6-year affair and subsequently left no. 2 when she was diagnosed with a chronic disease for wife number 3. Gingrich thought it was despicable for the moderator to bring that up in a Presidential debate. A lot of the accusations are no secret and Gingrich has owned to them, so I question, which is more despicable? To ask the embarrassing question or to demonstrate a habit of disrespecting and consistently dishonoring women. And as for the women who allow themselves to be treated so poorly. What should our legacy be? What is our purpose? Should we offer ourselves to be trampled on emotionally and paraded as though we are brainless animals with no sense of self, to be used and disposed of at the whim of others? Or do we want to take our place in life doing our part to shape the world?
I know I have a purpose, so I choose to take my place in shaping the world.
The next time the media tries to inundate us with the destructive depiction of our worst selves, I hope you remember, you are worth so much more. So much more!! I hope you aspire to a legacy that can uplift even one person, in addition to yourself.
Read more about women who are peacemakers and changing the world. They are game changers and so are you!! If you choose.
Almost one hundred years ago, in November, 1912, a seminal Oregon ballot measure passed that granted women the right to vote. In 2011, three women from war-torn patriarchical societies won the Nobel peace prize.
Women at every level are changing the landscape. Women are still a force with which to be reckoned. I was particularly thrilled to learn how the Liberian women would stop at nothing to end the destructive practices of Charles Taylor and his warlords including withholding sexual intimacy from their husbands, to stripping naked (a shameful thing), and unwavering protest. We are as strategic as we are savvy and we definitely have power.
At a recent political debate in 2012, that was attended by people who longed for the traditional values US, many, if not all in the audience gave presidential candidate Newt Gingrich a standing ovation. See the speaker asked him to respond to statements by his former wife that Gingrich left his first wife while she was fighting cancer and took up with wife number 2. While married to wife number 2, he had a 6-year affair and subsequently left no. 2 when she was diagnosed with a chronic disease for wife number 3. Gingrich thought it was despicable for the moderator to bring that up in a Presidential debate. A lot of the accusations are no secret and Gingrich has owned to them, so I question, which is more despicable? To ask the embarrassing question or to demonstrate a habit of disrespecting and consistently dishonoring women. And as for the women who allow themselves to be treated so poorly. What should our legacy be? What is our purpose? Should we offer ourselves to be trampled on emotionally and paraded as though we are brainless animals with no sense of self, to be used and disposed of at the whim of others? Or do we want to take our place in life doing our part to shape the world?
I know I have a purpose, so I choose to take my place in shaping the world.
The next time the media tries to inundate us with the destructive depiction of our worst selves, I hope you remember, you are worth so much more. So much more!! I hope you aspire to a legacy that can uplift even one person, in addition to yourself.
Read more about women who are peacemakers and changing the world. They are game changers and so are you!! If you choose.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Your story, your life...
Fascinating how stories inspire us to be more.
Take the story of the man who earned a fortune in explosives intended for war and destruction. It was when he read his obituary that was mistakenly published, that he decided he would change the narrative of his life. This man devoted the remainder of his life and his legacy to supporting peace. Alfred Nobel's estate lives on in the coveted Nobel Peace Prize that encourages positive, non-violent, and inspiring work from all peoples.
Or take Saima Muhammad, a woman living in a poor village in Pakistan. She and her husband are dirt poor, but Mister takes out his anger and personal frustrations by frequently beating his wife. Then to add insult to injury, Mister wracks up more debt than he can possibly pay, while his mother points out Saima's uselessness as reason he should take another wife. (Isn't it sort of odd, even this broke, cowardly man still has options? I digress!)
Well Saima figures out a new wife would only mean less money for her and her children, so I'm guessing she probably put a hand on her hip and said, "This is not how this story will end!" What did she do? Saima took out a micro-loan... you know, one of those tiny, tiny loans aimed at helping poor women start a business. She used the money to start an embroidery business. With her talent, Saima grew her business until she was able to pay off the loan, pay for repairs to their home, hire unemployed neighbors, ensure a rare education for her children, and put to rest the notion of a new wife.
Saima and Alfred are only two people from different ends of the spectrum who decided to create a different story for their life. Why not you?
Every year, resolutions are made and goals are set, followed by the whispered sigh of failure and invisible drooping shoulders when goals stall and the resolutions break.
My challenge... no, my question for you is simply this: What is the story of your life? and then, What would you like that story to be?
Yes, I'm serious. Your resources and your talents may lie be somewhere between those of Saima and Alfred but I believe YOU have the power to create your own narrative. Your new story could be: What is the life you want to live? How will you be remembered?
May I encourage you to grab pen and paper and start writing it down. Write the story of you as you would like it to be told. Write your story strong, write your story proud. It is in that story that you will begin to see your purpose. I use stories to help people live their best life, and your new story would frame the narrative of your life. Now, wouldn't that begin a happy New Year!!
Take the story of the man who earned a fortune in explosives intended for war and destruction. It was when he read his obituary that was mistakenly published, that he decided he would change the narrative of his life. This man devoted the remainder of his life and his legacy to supporting peace. Alfred Nobel's estate lives on in the coveted Nobel Peace Prize that encourages positive, non-violent, and inspiring work from all peoples.
Or take Saima Muhammad, a woman living in a poor village in Pakistan. She and her husband are dirt poor, but Mister takes out his anger and personal frustrations by frequently beating his wife. Then to add insult to injury, Mister wracks up more debt than he can possibly pay, while his mother points out Saima's uselessness as reason he should take another wife. (Isn't it sort of odd, even this broke, cowardly man still has options? I digress!)
Well Saima figures out a new wife would only mean less money for her and her children, so I'm guessing she probably put a hand on her hip and said, "This is not how this story will end!" What did she do? Saima took out a micro-loan... you know, one of those tiny, tiny loans aimed at helping poor women start a business. She used the money to start an embroidery business. With her talent, Saima grew her business until she was able to pay off the loan, pay for repairs to their home, hire unemployed neighbors, ensure a rare education for her children, and put to rest the notion of a new wife.
Saima and Alfred are only two people from different ends of the spectrum who decided to create a different story for their life. Why not you?
Every year, resolutions are made and goals are set, followed by the whispered sigh of failure and invisible drooping shoulders when goals stall and the resolutions break.
My challenge... no, my question for you is simply this: What is the story of your life? and then, What would you like that story to be?
Yes, I'm serious. Your resources and your talents may lie be somewhere between those of Saima and Alfred but I believe YOU have the power to create your own narrative. Your new story could be: What is the life you want to live? How will you be remembered?
May I encourage you to grab pen and paper and start writing it down. Write the story of you as you would like it to be told. Write your story strong, write your story proud. It is in that story that you will begin to see your purpose. I use stories to help people live their best life, and your new story would frame the narrative of your life. Now, wouldn't that begin a happy New Year!!
Monday, December 19, 2011
The Status is Not Quo: Occupy
My correspondent blogger, Leslie is back. Recently, the Occupy movement was in the news practically everyday. It began with Occupy Wall Street and quickly spread like a bad rumor. You know, I must confess I love a good protest, especially if it is about bringing about meaningful change. Bear with me, I came of age in the 1970s where I grew to appreciate marches, boycotts, and other types of civil disobedience. That was then... what is now? Leslie took it upon herself to investigate two Occupy movements. She questioned participants and she interviewed observers, to produce the following:
As a personal note, it appears that the Occupy movement elicits a range of responses in part because the goal of the movement is quite diverse ... according to city. For example, I wonder why Oakland feels more militant and San Francisco's feel more welcoming. Does it matter? Check out the protest at UCLA Davis... it was peaceful and yet the response from authorities was so militant and egregious. I have my own views about the movement, but my larger issue is the implication of these types of protests to tomorrow's world. One thing is for sure, we are manifesting our power, we are using our voices. Are we using our power and our voice for good? Now that is my question.
When the Status is not Quo: Occupy
There is this movie called Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. In the movie, the lead character, Dr. Horrible, goes on a rant about how “the status is not quo”; that “homelessness is but a symptom of the problem”; and “the fish rots from the head.” When I heard about the Occupy movement, I immediately thought of that soliloquy.
From what I understand the Occupy movement, is a ground swelling of individuals who are sick of the status quo; the rich getting richer and the poor reaching a new level of poverty. Some people, less appreciative of the movement, refer to it as the new hippie movement. On either side, there is validity.
The goal of the movement in my eyes is and has always been, conversation. An honest dialogue about the state of America’s finances and how the government runs. In that goal, the movement has succeeded. It has changed the way we look at protest and this particular recession. It can also be viewed from the side that, there is no unifying cause. The movement, from my understanding, is up to one’s own interpretation. Each city has different needs and is to draw up its own list of demands.
Each movement is so unique that you can take two separate cities extremely close to one another, San Francisco and Oakland, and get two very different personalities. There is a more militant feel to Oakland and a more welcoming feel to San Francisco's Occupy movement.
The common enemies I’ve noticed are the Federal Reserve and the “1%”. Each city has more demands that can be found online by city.
As a personal note, it appears that the Occupy movement elicits a range of responses in part because the goal of the movement is quite diverse ... according to city. For example, I wonder why Oakland feels more militant and San Francisco's feel more welcoming. Does it matter? Check out the protest at UCLA Davis... it was peaceful and yet the response from authorities was so militant and egregious. I have my own views about the movement, but my larger issue is the implication of these types of protests to tomorrow's world. One thing is for sure, we are manifesting our power, we are using our voices. Are we using our power and our voice for good? Now that is my question.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Character of a Leader
Have you ever wondered what someone means when they say a person is of good character? I'm always interested in the character of a person with whom I associate. I try to learn the character of my leaders, my managers, my partners... even before I give them my allegiance. But what does that really mean? Is it one of those words that we just throw out there and pretend that everyone shares the same meaning?
Can you switch your character like a gorgeous suit and then take it off when it is convenient? Or should your character be like your personal brand? Does the sparkle in your character only exist for a moment, or does its shine get more brilliant as you are tried and tested?
I decided to do a quick search and found, one dictionary defines character as “the complex of mental and ethical traits marking a person.” In another dictionary, character is "the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual". Yet another definition suggests character is "the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.” Someone's grandmother told me, "you want to learn a person's character, watch how they are when times get bad."
Is character good or bad? To say, "That person is a woman of character", "That is a man of character", usually infers good character. Conversely, if you say, "That person has no character", then you imply the qualities and traits that individual possesses are not admirable.. are not good.
I look for friends with good character. I look for leaders with good character. Not so much what they have done or who they know, but the nature of the qualities that are distinctive to their person. A person's character becomes his legacy. A person's character defines the way she is known and thus, the expectation others have for her. How would you define your character? How would others describe your character?
Maybe now is the time for a character inventory. Is your character the way you would like it? Will your character inspire someone to do a good thing? Does your character make you proud? We can develop and refine our character, so I ask you... what is your character?
Today I read about nine graces, or characteristics of the highest order: love, joy, peace, gentleness, patience, goodnesss, humility, temperance, and faith. Today I aspire for those traits. What is the character you want ... for you?
Can you switch your character like a gorgeous suit and then take it off when it is convenient? Or should your character be like your personal brand? Does the sparkle in your character only exist for a moment, or does its shine get more brilliant as you are tried and tested?
I decided to do a quick search and found, one dictionary defines character as “the complex of mental and ethical traits marking a person.” In another dictionary, character is "the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual". Yet another definition suggests character is "the stable and distinctive qualities built into an individual’s life which determine his or her response regardless of circumstances.” Someone's grandmother told me, "you want to learn a person's character, watch how they are when times get bad."
Is character good or bad? To say, "That person is a woman of character", "That is a man of character", usually infers good character. Conversely, if you say, "That person has no character", then you imply the qualities and traits that individual possesses are not admirable.. are not good.
I look for friends with good character. I look for leaders with good character. Not so much what they have done or who they know, but the nature of the qualities that are distinctive to their person. A person's character becomes his legacy. A person's character defines the way she is known and thus, the expectation others have for her. How would you define your character? How would others describe your character?
Maybe now is the time for a character inventory. Is your character the way you would like it? Will your character inspire someone to do a good thing? Does your character make you proud? We can develop and refine our character, so I ask you... what is your character?
Today I read about nine graces, or characteristics of the highest order: love, joy, peace, gentleness, patience, goodnesss, humility, temperance, and faith. Today I aspire for those traits. What is the character you want ... for you?
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Write it down and watch it grow
How many times do we say I should-a, could-a done that thing? How many times indeed. I'd like to say that years ago the brilliant Dr. Maya Angelou took my idea and ran with it when she published greeting cards. I'd like to say that but the truth is I had a similar idea. I did nothing with my idea and regrettably, it died. I could kick myself. I could-a, would-a, should-a, created my own greeting cards. Yes I could, but I tarried. Ughh!
Maybe you've also had a vision for something of your own.
"I can't do it." "It won't be good enough." "No one will want this [thing I have to offer]." "If it was such a good idea, someone else would have done it already." Are those some of the excuses we give ourselves when we don't act on our dreams?
Recently I was on a teleconference called Sunday Seeds. The conference takes place on Sundays from 8:30 - 9:00pm (800-416-4956 code: 3812-2365). The speaker, Dr. Donald Hilliard emphasizes the importance of giving life to those seeds of ideas that we possess in our minds and hearts. He encourages us to write down our vision. "Write it down", he says over and over. "Write it down and declare it every day."
Dr Hilliard encourages the following steps:
- Identify your vision
- Write down your vision
- Believe in your vision
- Commit to your vision
- Declare your vision
- Affirm your vision
- Prioritize the tasks you need to do to make it happen... and do it.
Today I've decided my dreams will live, I will plant the seeds of my dreams. I will write them down and nurture them. I will affirm them everyday as I begin to take the small steps to making them grow. This dream will live... I will not let another vision die. Neither should you!
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| "There are seeds of possibilities in each of us that will bear great fruit if allowed to grow." Dr. Denise Williams |
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A New Voice
My vision for this blog was always to inspire the winner in each of us. To encourage that dream, pull out that talent, give life to that seed that's waiting to grow into the future we want for ourself. As part of that vision, I welcome a brilliant student writer, whose views, insights, and research will undoubtedly inspire the very best from you.
HERE IS OUR SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER: LESLIE D. VERNON
Putting oneself in words is hard to do. Do I talk about my diet of cheese popcorn and vitamin water? My love for cheesy movies and bad tv shows? The neurotic way I hum in the bathroom? None of these things encompasses all of me (or would particularly interest you). So I’ll keep it to the bare relevant facts (though I do accept bribes of cheese popcorn and vitamin water).
I love the written word. I started pretending to read and write at a very young age, just ask my mother. I did eventually learn to do these things, and do them quite well as a matter of fact. I loved to tell stories. This would get me in trouble occasionally (mmmkay, often).
As I grew older, I found myself drawn into writing. I used to have this container chocked to the brim with my writings. As I matured, rather than using just loose paper, I took to carrying a writing journal. If you see me out and about, I probably have it on me. As I wrote more, I also read more. I read constantly. I’ll actually read anything if it comes down to it. From the cereal box at the kitchen table to men’s magazines in the doctor’s waiting room, if I’ve got time to kill I’ll be reading.
I love to talk to people and get to what makes then tick and capture that. Share their light with the world.
So, in honor of all those great people, who led me on the right path. In honor, of the great females before and to come after me, I will be writing on this blog.
HERE IS OUR SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER: LESLIE D. VERNON
I love the written word. I started pretending to read and write at a very young age, just ask my mother. I did eventually learn to do these things, and do them quite well as a matter of fact. I loved to tell stories. This would get me in trouble occasionally (mmmkay, often).
As I grew older, I found myself drawn into writing. I used to have this container chocked to the brim with my writings. As I matured, rather than using just loose paper, I took to carrying a writing journal. If you see me out and about, I probably have it on me. As I wrote more, I also read more. I read constantly. I’ll actually read anything if it comes down to it. From the cereal box at the kitchen table to men’s magazines in the doctor’s waiting room, if I’ve got time to kill I’ll be reading.
I love to talk to people and get to what makes then tick and capture that. Share their light with the world.
So, in honor of all those great people, who led me on the right path. In honor, of the great females before and to come after me, I will be writing on this blog.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Gia's World ... Achieve It!!!
This past Saturday I had the opportunity to sit on a panel honoring young people who had achieved academic excellence during the past year. The panel was extremely diverse and included an actress/singer/entertainer - Gia McGlone.
I will admit when I first met Gia, I was struck by her beauty. In no time, I would soon discover there was much more than beauty to this woman. You see, by the end of our discussion I was fascinated by Gia's passion for her talent and desire to use her gifts to inspire others to excellence. She shared a story with me that speaks to the love that drives her creativity, her passion, and the way she nurtures her own Inner Winner.
One day Gia found herself between jobs and feeling somewhat blah. Count yourself blessed if you do not know the feeling. She wanted to be productive, and do the work she loved, but it was not happening for her in that instant. As is sometimes the lot of an actor, she was out of work... for the moment. The low feeling that creeps in when we are not using our talents, may have been hovering nearby ready to capture her inner winner, drown her spirit, diminish her confidence, and deplete her energy. However, Gia is amazing. She decided to create a cartoon that would inspire others. Armed with no technical skills, but a lot of passion and desire, this brilliantly talented entertainer, created Gia's World.
Gia intrigued me because she is as wise as she is young. Wise enough to want to use her gift to serve and inspire others. Wise enough to use her gift for a higher purpose than her own desires. And brilliant enough to figure out a way to branch into a new frontier (she created the cartoon for YouTube with little or no real technical skills). Gia does all the singing in the video and I invite you to view Gia's World, a reminder for how we might achieve our goals.
To learn more about Gia, visit www.giamcglone.com. In the meantime, does this video help you develop your inner winner?
I will admit when I first met Gia, I was struck by her beauty. In no time, I would soon discover there was much more than beauty to this woman. You see, by the end of our discussion I was fascinated by Gia's passion for her talent and desire to use her gifts to inspire others to excellence. She shared a story with me that speaks to the love that drives her creativity, her passion, and the way she nurtures her own Inner Winner.
One day Gia found herself between jobs and feeling somewhat blah. Count yourself blessed if you do not know the feeling. She wanted to be productive, and do the work she loved, but it was not happening for her in that instant. As is sometimes the lot of an actor, she was out of work... for the moment. The low feeling that creeps in when we are not using our talents, may have been hovering nearby ready to capture her inner winner, drown her spirit, diminish her confidence, and deplete her energy. However, Gia is amazing. She decided to create a cartoon that would inspire others. Armed with no technical skills, but a lot of passion and desire, this brilliantly talented entertainer, created Gia's World.
Gia intrigued me because she is as wise as she is young. Wise enough to want to use her gift to serve and inspire others. Wise enough to use her gift for a higher purpose than her own desires. And brilliant enough to figure out a way to branch into a new frontier (she created the cartoon for YouTube with little or no real technical skills). Gia does all the singing in the video and I invite you to view Gia's World, a reminder for how we might achieve our goals.
To learn more about Gia, visit www.giamcglone.com. In the meantime, does this video help you develop your inner winner?
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
You are a Superwoman... yes you are!!
This past Sunday morning, I awoke to the news that this was the day the US women's soccer team would face Brazil to vie for a spot in the World Cup semifinals. This would not be a slam dunk.
You see, except for a relatively few pockets across our country, soccer does not receive the type of attention given to basketball, baseball, football, or even track and field sporting events, although fans know that few sports give the adrenaline rush of a good soccer game. Along with that, Brazil still brings to mind the legend of the great Pelé, who ruled the sport when he played the game. Let's be clear, the American team is no slouch, and neither is the Brazilian team. This would be a tough row to hoe... and all these factors form the backdrop against which our soccer team must perform.
On Sunday evening, I smiled with satisfaction when I learned that our women beat Brazil and would move ahead to semifinals. (Go Girls!!) Today, as I'm writing this post, the US soccer team just beat France and will be advancing to finals. Who-hoooo!! 'Who run the world... girls, girls!!'
They dug deep to find their inner winner, because they are superwomen. They wanted to win. So do you... so do I. So many of us as we raise our families, take care of our spouses, attend to aging parents, work hard in our jobs, and try to attend to a trillion things as we plan a future... and look cute while doing so, we should remember our inner winner - our own superwoman.
There is a verse in Alicia Keys' song "Superwoman" thus:
I am a Superwoman
Yes I am, yes she is
Still when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes I'm a Superwoman
When I'm breaking down and I can't be found
As I start to get weak
'Cause no one knows me underneath these clothes
But I can fly, we can fly
Today the women on the US Soccer team are acting like superwoman, and so should you.
After a long hiatus from my blog, (technical difficulties) I have returned with a new name and a new assurance that when we fly, we help our families and our communities soar, because each of us is indeed a Superwoman.
You see, except for a relatively few pockets across our country, soccer does not receive the type of attention given to basketball, baseball, football, or even track and field sporting events, although fans know that few sports give the adrenaline rush of a good soccer game. Along with that, Brazil still brings to mind the legend of the great Pelé, who ruled the sport when he played the game. Let's be clear, the American team is no slouch, and neither is the Brazilian team. This would be a tough row to hoe... and all these factors form the backdrop against which our soccer team must perform.
On Sunday evening, I smiled with satisfaction when I learned that our women beat Brazil and would move ahead to semifinals. (Go Girls!!) Today, as I'm writing this post, the US soccer team just beat France and will be advancing to finals. Who-hoooo!! 'Who run the world... girls, girls!!'
They dug deep to find their inner winner, because they are superwomen. They wanted to win. So do you... so do I. So many of us as we raise our families, take care of our spouses, attend to aging parents, work hard in our jobs, and try to attend to a trillion things as we plan a future... and look cute while doing so, we should remember our inner winner - our own superwoman.
There is a verse in Alicia Keys' song "Superwoman" thus:
I am a Superwoman
Yes I am, yes she is
Still when I'm a mess
I still put on a vest
With an S on my chest
Oh yes I'm a Superwoman
When I'm breaking down and I can't be found
As I start to get weak
'Cause no one knows me underneath these clothes
But I can fly, we can fly
Today the women on the US Soccer team are acting like superwoman, and so should you.
After a long hiatus from my blog, (technical difficulties) I have returned with a new name and a new assurance that when we fly, we help our families and our communities soar, because each of us is indeed a Superwoman.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
"Mile 21" on the Road to Greatness
Over the past months, I've had the privilege of talking to some amazing women who have been travelling for some time on the road to greatness. They sometimes do little more than put one tentative foot in front of the other, until one day they meet someone like me who asks them, "How did you get here?" It is exhilirating to have met women whose road to greatness is one on which they have stayed the course, even when they get to Mile 21.
Here's my own tale of "Mile 21":
A few years ago, I had an idea that I would walk in the Avon 2-day walk for breast cancer. This means walkers must complete a mere 26+ miles on day one and approximately 13+ miles on day 2. Well, with months of training underfoot, the overzealous me brought along my own pedometer and discovered that in the end, my 26+ miles turned out to be way over 30miles. Truth be told... nothing in my life could have prepared me for this walk, but the experience was powerful and unforgettable.
What started out as a day of anticipation would gradually lose its vim as I added on the miles. My friend who had agreed to walk with me, and I talked or kept silent... as the mood moved us. We met other walkers, survivors, family members, and people like me who just wanted to do something toward eradicating this disease, each with a story that confirmed my commitment to this walk. Along the way there were rest stops where walkers could receive nourishment or care if needed. My friend and I by-passed most of the stops... until Mile 21.
Even now I remember that rest stop. It seemed to have more hoopla and fanfare, and I recall singing cowboys and a lot of nurses. I had some refreshments and resumed the journey with some reluctance. It was at this point that I started to feel true pain. My legs were feeling like tree trunks and it was increasingly difficult to walk. I was done. Both my physical and mental resources were depleted and I knew what it must feel like to be pulling a herd of unwilling elephants. I think I tried to summon tears that would validate my pain and even those refused to form. My girlfriend was no longer even walking next to me, as I had slowed down and by this time I could no longer remember why I had decided to do this walk. Looking ahead was no longer helping.. all I saw was a trail of random walkers and no end in sight. With the knowledge that I could physically go much further overshadowing my every step, I wanted the right opportunity to stop. It was at that point that the money in my pocket reminded me that I could hail a passing taxi to finish the journey. In other words, abandon my commitment, and just take a shortcut to the end. This was indeed a most brilliant thought which I shared with my friend. She shot it down, reminding me that our commitment was to walk the entire distance. I was duty-bound to honor my commitment. But how was I to do this? It was then that I remembered, the way to walk a thousand miles... take just one step at a time.
I looked down at my feet and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. After a while, the end loomed before us.
In the road to greatness, we get to Mile 21, and will need to call upon every resource... friends, prayer, sustenance, values, inner strength, or we may even consider leaving the trail and taking a shortcut. The women that I talked with reached and journeyed past their Mile 21.
Mile 21 gives insights to the strength of our character, our mettle, and the fiber of our integrity. On the road to greatness as in the rest of life... we make a choice. Either we off the road and take a shortcut, OR... we may stay the course, keep our eyes on the prize, and continue moving with dogged determination toward a noble goal.
At this the start of a new year, after many of us have already made plans for achievements. How do you suppose you might handle Mile 21. It is a necessary part of your road to greatness.
Here's my own tale of "Mile 21":
A few years ago, I had an idea that I would walk in the Avon 2-day walk for breast cancer. This means walkers must complete a mere 26+ miles on day one and approximately 13+ miles on day 2. Well, with months of training underfoot, the overzealous me brought along my own pedometer and discovered that in the end, my 26+ miles turned out to be way over 30miles. Truth be told... nothing in my life could have prepared me for this walk, but the experience was powerful and unforgettable.
What started out as a day of anticipation would gradually lose its vim as I added on the miles. My friend who had agreed to walk with me, and I talked or kept silent... as the mood moved us. We met other walkers, survivors, family members, and people like me who just wanted to do something toward eradicating this disease, each with a story that confirmed my commitment to this walk. Along the way there were rest stops where walkers could receive nourishment or care if needed. My friend and I by-passed most of the stops... until Mile 21.
Even now I remember that rest stop. It seemed to have more hoopla and fanfare, and I recall singing cowboys and a lot of nurses. I had some refreshments and resumed the journey with some reluctance. It was at this point that I started to feel true pain. My legs were feeling like tree trunks and it was increasingly difficult to walk. I was done. Both my physical and mental resources were depleted and I knew what it must feel like to be pulling a herd of unwilling elephants. I think I tried to summon tears that would validate my pain and even those refused to form. My girlfriend was no longer even walking next to me, as I had slowed down and by this time I could no longer remember why I had decided to do this walk. Looking ahead was no longer helping.. all I saw was a trail of random walkers and no end in sight. With the knowledge that I could physically go much further overshadowing my every step, I wanted the right opportunity to stop. It was at that point that the money in my pocket reminded me that I could hail a passing taxi to finish the journey. In other words, abandon my commitment, and just take a shortcut to the end. This was indeed a most brilliant thought which I shared with my friend. She shot it down, reminding me that our commitment was to walk the entire distance. I was duty-bound to honor my commitment. But how was I to do this? It was then that I remembered, the way to walk a thousand miles... take just one step at a time.
I looked down at my feet and focused on putting one foot in front of the other. After a while, the end loomed before us.
In the road to greatness, we get to Mile 21, and will need to call upon every resource... friends, prayer, sustenance, values, inner strength, or we may even consider leaving the trail and taking a shortcut. The women that I talked with reached and journeyed past their Mile 21.
Mile 21 gives insights to the strength of our character, our mettle, and the fiber of our integrity. On the road to greatness as in the rest of life... we make a choice. Either we off the road and take a shortcut, OR... we may stay the course, keep our eyes on the prize, and continue moving with dogged determination toward a noble goal.
At this the start of a new year, after many of us have already made plans for achievements. How do you suppose you might handle Mile 21. It is a necessary part of your road to greatness.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Should women play down their humph?
What could these women possibly have in common?
You've probably recognized they are (l-r): Lucy Stone, Sojourner Truth, Indira Gandhi, Billie Holliday, and Queen Nanny of the Maroons
Lucy Stone was born on August 13, 1818 and although she lived nearly 200 years ago, she would certainly be called a pioneer in her own time.
Women were mere shadows of the men in their lives and yet Stone spoke up for women’s rights and spoke out against slavery when women were chastised for speaking publicly. (Remember, women had not yet earned the right to vote.) In 1839 she funded her own education and became the first woman in Massachusetts to earn a college degree, and even became the first person in New England to be cremated. She's remembered most for being the first woman in the United States to keep her own name after marriage. (Heresy?? OMG!!) A force with whom to be reckoned, I’d say!! Yet, she's hardly the first or the only pioneer.
When I first read about Ms. Stone, I thought about other women who knew their worth and fought for the worth of other women. Women like Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Nanny of the Maroons, and others on whose shoulders we stand.
When I think about the workplace of tomorrow, I compare it to the workplace I think exists today and I wonder what will the children find? How will your daughters and nieces have to behave? Will you be able to fit in… those of you who choose to return? And then my mind starts its rapid stroll down the corridors of centuries past and I think about women who were giants of their time. How did they dare to be so? How did Lucy dare to defy her father and get an education when women were expected to be unschooled wives? or as one man put it... "glorified maids". Where did Sojourner Truth get the chutzpah to demand of her unwitting audience, “Aren’t I a woman?”
Women in the workplace encounter obstacles and make sacrifices just like their predecessors did… sacrifices that are different and some that are the same. One that got my attention was the idea of playing down their success… their achievements… so others around them might feel comfortable. What do I mean? Well consider this…
You’ve had close friends since elementary school and somehow (really through hardwork, preparation, and focus) you’ve achieved stellar success while their achievements could be described as tepid. Imagine being with your friends and forcing yourself to not always pay for dinner, although you can, if by repeatedly doing so you cause your friends to question their value. Imagine recognizing that you can’t always share all your accomplishments, if news of your steady success will somehow cause others to feel less worthy. Imagine realizing that you cannot always be the one with the answers if by doing so it will make others feel less accomplished. It is in these instances that some women have learned to play down their achievements and mute some of the roar of their success.
Is this lack of confidence? Or is this an example of brilliant women demonstrating a keen understanding of their environment, high sensitivity, and a lot of savvy?
Can't wait to read your comments.
You've probably recognized they are (l-r): Lucy Stone, Sojourner Truth, Indira Gandhi, Billie Holliday, and Queen Nanny of the Maroons
Lucy Stone was born on August 13, 1818 and although she lived nearly 200 years ago, she would certainly be called a pioneer in her own time.
Women were mere shadows of the men in their lives and yet Stone spoke up for women’s rights and spoke out against slavery when women were chastised for speaking publicly. (Remember, women had not yet earned the right to vote.) In 1839 she funded her own education and became the first woman in Massachusetts to earn a college degree, and even became the first person in New England to be cremated. She's remembered most for being the first woman in the United States to keep her own name after marriage. (Heresy?? OMG!!) A force with whom to be reckoned, I’d say!! Yet, she's hardly the first or the only pioneer.
When I first read about Ms. Stone, I thought about other women who knew their worth and fought for the worth of other women. Women like Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman, Nanny of the Maroons, and others on whose shoulders we stand.
When I think about the workplace of tomorrow, I compare it to the workplace I think exists today and I wonder what will the children find? How will your daughters and nieces have to behave? Will you be able to fit in… those of you who choose to return? And then my mind starts its rapid stroll down the corridors of centuries past and I think about women who were giants of their time. How did they dare to be so? How did Lucy dare to defy her father and get an education when women were expected to be unschooled wives? or as one man put it... "glorified maids". Where did Sojourner Truth get the chutzpah to demand of her unwitting audience, “Aren’t I a woman?”
Women in the workplace encounter obstacles and make sacrifices just like their predecessors did… sacrifices that are different and some that are the same. One that got my attention was the idea of playing down their success… their achievements… so others around them might feel comfortable. What do I mean? Well consider this…
You’ve had close friends since elementary school and somehow (really through hardwork, preparation, and focus) you’ve achieved stellar success while their achievements could be described as tepid. Imagine being with your friends and forcing yourself to not always pay for dinner, although you can, if by repeatedly doing so you cause your friends to question their value. Imagine recognizing that you can’t always share all your accomplishments, if news of your steady success will somehow cause others to feel less worthy. Imagine realizing that you cannot always be the one with the answers if by doing so it will make others feel less accomplished. It is in these instances that some women have learned to play down their achievements and mute some of the roar of their success.
Is this lack of confidence? Or is this an example of brilliant women demonstrating a keen understanding of their environment, high sensitivity, and a lot of savvy?
Can't wait to read your comments.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Be Still and Listen.... 聽
Someone once said that God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we could listen twice as much as we speak. Hmmm… there’s something here. Just imagine the things we might hear.
Maybe we would hear the early morning birds waking up their families… and chattering as they get ready to face their day, or maybe we would hear how others really feel about us. For sure we would hear the gossipmongers and the chatterboxes, the rumors and the scandals, and we would hear pain and hope, suffering and joy. We would certainly hear the well-meaning words that others are saying to us… but we would also hear the words they are unwilling to voice. Say what???
Some years ago, I heard a speaker whose message stayed with me long after her name faded in the crowded corridors of my memory. Part of that message pointed out that traditional Chinese character for the verb to listen compounds the characters for ears, eyes, undivided attention and heart - 聽. Now isn't that something?
Does this mean the old folks used to practice being still in order to listen with their ears, their eyes, as well as their heart? Hmmm… we could learn something from those folks.
So what does that have to do with lessons and success? Consider this…
Listen to the wisdom around you. Even though you may not like the way the messenger looks or speaks, if given the opportunity, pay attention to the message. Listen! Even when it seems obscene or futile to give ear to the leader whose ideologies are different from our own… after all, he must be an idiot if he’s from another political party… and we are (of course), the brightest minds around. Listen! Even though your parents were born in another century (dinosaurs), they may have an ounce of intellect or street corner common sense, and that ounce may be just the measure needed to save your life. Listen! Even when it’s impossible to believe that the relic of a manager could possibly be able to add anything of value to a 20-something's vast years of experience. Still listen! It is easier to believe that the ideas that worked yesterday could not possibly be relevant today. Yes, it is easier... but often untrue.
It is here that I offer a tip for achieving success in the workplace, which is that we honor and listen to the organizational wisdom around us. Listen to the generations that have earned success, they have knowledge to share. Listen to the people who’ve had longevity in business. They may know something about the way things get done. Listen to those who’ve been making strides before you. They probably know a thing or two about a thing or two.
And as you listen to the wisdom around you… listen to your internal voice. Whether your internal voice is for you - God, or your gut... take a moment and listen you may be amazed at what you hear.
I know an exceptional listener Bernadette Glover, who in my opinion has mastered the skill of listening with her ears, her eyes, her heart and her undivided attention. She published a book entitled, Whispers Overheard in which she reveals the sounds and utterance of words she's come to hear... or overhear. It goes to show the possibilities when we stop to listen. For when we listen, we open ourselves to understanding a larger truth. When we listen, we learn to navigate the winding walkways of the workplace and strut with certainty to take advantage of the choices that are ahead of us.
Beyonce’s character in Dream Girls struck a nerve as she belted out in gut-wrenching plea to be heard, when she sang the song Listen. If I could, I would play this song with you in mind...
I wonder what you will hear when you listen??
Maybe we would hear the early morning birds waking up their families… and chattering as they get ready to face their day, or maybe we would hear how others really feel about us. For sure we would hear the gossipmongers and the chatterboxes, the rumors and the scandals, and we would hear pain and hope, suffering and joy. We would certainly hear the well-meaning words that others are saying to us… but we would also hear the words they are unwilling to voice. Say what???
Some years ago, I heard a speaker whose message stayed with me long after her name faded in the crowded corridors of my memory. Part of that message pointed out that traditional Chinese character for the verb to listen compounds the characters for ears, eyes, undivided attention and heart - 聽. Now isn't that something?
Does this mean the old folks used to practice being still in order to listen with their ears, their eyes, as well as their heart? Hmmm… we could learn something from those folks.
So what does that have to do with lessons and success? Consider this…
Listen to the wisdom around you. Even though you may not like the way the messenger looks or speaks, if given the opportunity, pay attention to the message. Listen! Even when it seems obscene or futile to give ear to the leader whose ideologies are different from our own… after all, he must be an idiot if he’s from another political party… and we are (of course), the brightest minds around. Listen! Even though your parents were born in another century (dinosaurs), they may have an ounce of intellect or street corner common sense, and that ounce may be just the measure needed to save your life. Listen! Even when it’s impossible to believe that the relic of a manager could possibly be able to add anything of value to a 20-something's vast years of experience. Still listen! It is easier to believe that the ideas that worked yesterday could not possibly be relevant today. Yes, it is easier... but often untrue.
It is here that I offer a tip for achieving success in the workplace, which is that we honor and listen to the organizational wisdom around us. Listen to the generations that have earned success, they have knowledge to share. Listen to the people who’ve had longevity in business. They may know something about the way things get done. Listen to those who’ve been making strides before you. They probably know a thing or two about a thing or two.
And as you listen to the wisdom around you… listen to your internal voice. Whether your internal voice is for you - God, or your gut... take a moment and listen you may be amazed at what you hear.
I know an exceptional listener Bernadette Glover, who in my opinion has mastered the skill of listening with her ears, her eyes, her heart and her undivided attention. She published a book entitled, Whispers Overheard in which she reveals the sounds and utterance of words she's come to hear... or overhear. It goes to show the possibilities when we stop to listen. For when we listen, we open ourselves to understanding a larger truth. When we listen, we learn to navigate the winding walkways of the workplace and strut with certainty to take advantage of the choices that are ahead of us.
Beyonce’s character in Dream Girls struck a nerve as she belted out in gut-wrenching plea to be heard, when she sang the song Listen. If I could, I would play this song with you in mind...
I wonder what you will hear when you listen??
Thursday, July 1, 2010
The Evolution of Wonder Woman
This post could also be named "Second Acts".
A recent NYTimes article (June 30, 2010) reported that superheroine Wonder Woman, would receive a "dramatic makeover with the release of Issue No. 600 of her monthly series". Wonder Woman first appeared in 1941 and now in this her 8th makeover, Wonder Woman will supposedly look like she belongs in 2010. Click on this Wonder Woman link to enjoy the evolution of Wonder Woman to this her 69th year. The designer Jim Lee who brought the new costume to life says the new Wonder Woman in leggings and a strapless top is more universal. (I love it!!)
I was struck among other things by the lasting beauty, stamina, and integrity of this superhero. Still fighting villains, still being underestimated (after 69 years, you would think that villains would know better than to cross her path. After all, she always gets the job done!), and still rising to the ocassion. And savvy enough to change her costume so she is relevant to the times. Are you a wonder woman in your own way?
In the same newspaper, there were two other articles that snagged my attention:
Story 1:
Larry King announced that he would end his long-running CNN talk show, "Larry King Live," after 25 years. King would end the show on his own terms. I wondered how King would fare in his next act. I paid special attention to "on his own terms".
Story 2:
In the 1980s I would often join Madonna in singing, "living in a material world, and I am a Material Girl" even though I was paying little attention to the words. Well the real Material Girl - Madonna is making a comeback with her new clothing line aimed at teenagers. Madonna... is this your second act?
The burning question, "How will you usher in your second act?" Will you have a costume change or will you perform on a different stage? Will you revive an old act, or will you create something brand new? Some of you will be forced through lost jobs, burn-out, or other unwelcome situations to create a second act. I hope most of you will craft your Act II "on your own terms".
Women who've had multiple acts:
I think of women like Condeleezza Rice, Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton who is roaming the world proudly representing us as diplomat extraordinaire, and Janis Karpinski, for whom the curtain rose and fell on the world stage, and on smaller arenas there were sisters like Janet Wise, co-founder of A Seat at the Table, Inc., Carol Camerino, Kathy Kane of Kane Creative Consulting , Bonnie St. John writer, and triumphant spirit, and the brilliant Janet Cargill as well as others like Bertha Artis, Carole Allen, Donna Williams, Josette Jean-Francois, and so many others whose second act occurs in a smaller public. Some of these women created their second act on their own terms, but all have done so with grace, with dignity, with the wisdom gained from their past experience, and with the stamina, the power, and the charm of Wonder Woman.
This is an idea that is dear to me because I'm also in my second act.
While the choice to begin your second act may be out of your hands, how you perform in your second act will be entirely up to you. It is nerve wracking and exciting, it is uncertain and exhilirating, but take heart. Those who've done it have done their best performances the second time around. So, how do you know you are approaching your second act? Well, I think it's when you find yourself asking, "What will I do now?" I think it's an awesome question representing a new beginning.
Former NYTimes correspondent - Timothy Egan wrote an article on the very theme highlighting second act aces. Surely the idea is something to think about and hopefully share with a friend. Here's your challenge... what are you doing to prepare for your second act? Will it be on your own terms ... or will it creep up on you like snow in the middle of July (in the Northeast of course)?
What can I say about second acts? Bring 'em on... You have far more to offer than wonder woman? You are a living, thinking, caring, passionate, creative individual who wants to be your best self. You are more in charge of your own life and you aim to make a difference. You are not a comic strip character but you might be inspired by them. You can remake your image, you can recharge your passion, and you can be sure you are still relevant. While you do so... continue to build your character, live your best life, and don't compromise your integrity.
You will be better than ever the second time around!! Don't you agree?
A recent NYTimes article (June 30, 2010) reported that superheroine Wonder Woman, would receive a "dramatic makeover with the release of Issue No. 600 of her monthly series". Wonder Woman first appeared in 1941 and now in this her 8th makeover, Wonder Woman will supposedly look like she belongs in 2010. Click on this Wonder Woman link to enjoy the evolution of Wonder Woman to this her 69th year. The designer Jim Lee who brought the new costume to life says the new Wonder Woman in leggings and a strapless top is more universal. (I love it!!)
I was struck among other things by the lasting beauty, stamina, and integrity of this superhero. Still fighting villains, still being underestimated (after 69 years, you would think that villains would know better than to cross her path. After all, she always gets the job done!), and still rising to the ocassion. And savvy enough to change her costume so she is relevant to the times. Are you a wonder woman in your own way?
In the same newspaper, there were two other articles that snagged my attention:
Story 1:
Larry King announced that he would end his long-running CNN talk show, "Larry King Live," after 25 years. King would end the show on his own terms. I wondered how King would fare in his next act. I paid special attention to "on his own terms".
Story 2:
In the 1980s I would often join Madonna in singing, "living in a material world, and I am a Material Girl" even though I was paying little attention to the words. Well the real Material Girl - Madonna is making a comeback with her new clothing line aimed at teenagers. Madonna... is this your second act?
The burning question, "How will you usher in your second act?" Will you have a costume change or will you perform on a different stage? Will you revive an old act, or will you create something brand new? Some of you will be forced through lost jobs, burn-out, or other unwelcome situations to create a second act. I hope most of you will craft your Act II "on your own terms".
Women who've had multiple acts:
I think of women like Condeleezza Rice, Maya Angelou, Hillary Clinton who is roaming the world proudly representing us as diplomat extraordinaire, and Janis Karpinski, for whom the curtain rose and fell on the world stage, and on smaller arenas there were sisters like Janet Wise, co-founder of A Seat at the Table, Inc., Carol Camerino, Kathy Kane of Kane Creative Consulting , Bonnie St. John writer, and triumphant spirit, and the brilliant Janet Cargill as well as others like Bertha Artis, Carole Allen, Donna Williams, Josette Jean-Francois, and so many others whose second act occurs in a smaller public. Some of these women created their second act on their own terms, but all have done so with grace, with dignity, with the wisdom gained from their past experience, and with the stamina, the power, and the charm of Wonder Woman.
This is an idea that is dear to me because I'm also in my second act.
While the choice to begin your second act may be out of your hands, how you perform in your second act will be entirely up to you. It is nerve wracking and exciting, it is uncertain and exhilirating, but take heart. Those who've done it have done their best performances the second time around. So, how do you know you are approaching your second act? Well, I think it's when you find yourself asking, "What will I do now?" I think it's an awesome question representing a new beginning.
Former NYTimes correspondent - Timothy Egan wrote an article on the very theme highlighting second act aces. Surely the idea is something to think about and hopefully share with a friend. Here's your challenge... what are you doing to prepare for your second act? Will it be on your own terms ... or will it creep up on you like snow in the middle of July (in the Northeast of course)?
What can I say about second acts? Bring 'em on... You have far more to offer than wonder woman? You are a living, thinking, caring, passionate, creative individual who wants to be your best self. You are more in charge of your own life and you aim to make a difference. You are not a comic strip character but you might be inspired by them. You can remake your image, you can recharge your passion, and you can be sure you are still relevant. While you do so... continue to build your character, live your best life, and don't compromise your integrity.
You will be better than ever the second time around!! Don't you agree?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Curiosity may have killed the cat...
... but it may help you find your life's mate.
If by now you are wondering why this is relevant, you may be one of the fortunates who currently may not be experiencing the blah of an unchaperoned life. You may yet be early on in your career and enjoying the single life. If so... yaay you!! If on the other hand, you are reading and getting ahead of yourself in agreement.. well, how does Beyonce say it? "Put your hands up...!"
Here's a true story!! When I spoke with successful women who were close to the top of their organizations and some who even ran their own businesses, I learned they were all single. All but one. Why is that? Why is it so lonely at the top?? Many of the women stated that it was not so easy finding some one who was their equal... Note for some that equal may have meant professional equal, socio-economical equal, spiritual equal, intellectual equal... and on and on. But take note, I don't believe these women are snobs as some would have us believe. I suggest instead that many of these women are looking for something ... a certain je ne sais quoi.
Dr. Paul Dobransky from Psychology Today suggests that for them and others (both men and women) curiosity is the 'one trait' that will outlast or enhance your mate's other features and lead you to embrace those enduring qualities. Here's what Dobransky says:
For many busy people with heavy workloads, duties, and stress, it might not occur at first that there are good and bad investments we make - even in the very first moments of spending time, energy, or any resources on a potential date, mate, or eventual spouse. If we could only choose one thing to look for, it ought to be their capacity for curiosity.
That's right. That simple.
In the end you'll find that curiosity didn't "kill the cat." It saved the marriage - likely through the wisdom to recognize its presence as early as the first date.
Curious Dates Make Great Mates
Think about it. If you were only interested in a casual, fun flirtation - or sex - it's a bad investment to be with a person who is not curious about you, about themselves, or about people in general. It would be a boring connection - dispassionate, stilted lovers instead of meaningful intimacy promising better things to come. They wouldn't tend to enquire about your dreams, desires, and all that makes you feel alive. If the trait of curiosity is not there at the beginning, it's not likely going to get much better than this, ever. Even if it was only one date you invested in, that's one more wasted day lost from your life.
If you were looking just to befriend a person platonically, you would still likely be spending more time, energy, and other resources on them than you get back in the relationship... if they are not a curious person. They wouldn't tend to enquire what your needs, tastes and preferences are, and likely wouldn't spontaneously communicate their own. It's hard to keep up a friendship with a person whom you don't really know, and even more likely that you are going to argue, compete, and not see eye-to-eye on the very issues that cause people to enter friendships in the first place. All because you couldn't get to an emotionally intimate knowledge of each other from the get-go.
If you were considering being exclusive, having them as a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, or perhaps you're already in a commitment, it's a big, big problem if they are not a curious person.
Why?
There are several reasons, and they all peg to some specific working parts of the psyche, gender instincts, and character. In fact, these things will reveal to you a fair degree of what is likely to happen between you in both the near future and the long-term future.
What would it be like to be predictive about some likely future situations with a man or woman in just about any area of conflict? From the potential for betrayal, to financial challenges, management of friendships and family, health crises, and child-rearing, crossing all the most difficult divides between a man and a woman begins with the capacity to be curious.
The Self Psychologists long ago began to address the condition called pathological narcissism. This is a person with a lot of emotional maturing to do, in which they exhibit selfishness, poor boundaries, destructive attitudes and behaviors toward others, and in the realm of friendship and love, tend to fall far short of being mature, fit partners to others.
There have been quite a few pop psychology books on the subject of narcissism and its connection to "codependence," likening this condition to being like an "emotional vampire" - someone who drains the energy of romantic partners in the same way that rearing a difficult child can be exhausting to parents, leaving them emotionally spent.
Still, in matters of the heart, it is hard for logic to ever reign supreme. It is a common thing for many today to do the illogical thing - to stay with a bad relationship even though it drains your energy, to keep dating a "Bad-boy" even though he is destructive, to stay married to an entitled woman who is costly, both financially and spiritually.
We say to ourselves, "Well, they say they love me. They must love me."
We notice we still desire them even though we fight.
We find they are a devoted parent to our child even though we never even talk about our sexual needs or preferences anymore.
Then we confuse words with emotions, then emotions with romantic fitness as a partner.
Then desire, lust, love, friendship, maturity (outgrowing narcissism), and committed partnership are confused with each other.
We then just don't know what to do anymore.
It all started harmlessly - long before the "emotional involvement," the man and woman simply engaged in idle conversation. Words that led to a romance.
How about taming the illogical passions, the vague hues of emotion, and the ambivalence of a committed partnership under duress - with the cold, hard intellectual trait of curiosity.
The opposite of curiosity is the state of being judgmental or prejudiced, [DID HE SAY THAT???] which while features of one's intellectual style - our communication habits, our words - are no less narcissistic than the emotional neediness or abusiveness of others.
The judgmental, the prejudiced, are intellectually narcissistic - your clue that as you intertwine lives over time, they will be emotionally narcissistic too. Usually, we adhere to the old wise saying warning us to "judge others by their actions, not words." In the case of assessing mature curiosity versus being judgmental, the reverse may be far more useful:
Know people through curious words, not passionate actions.
On the path to your career nirvana... I believe that a healthy and satisfying relationship is one essential aspect of your ability to lead a whole and fulfilling life. Imagine for a moment, a life shared with a curious other... where you are able to share and therefore build on your ideas, your thoughts, your dreams, your desires.... a life that basks in the intimately, emotional knowledge of each other. What a mmm-mmm life that would be!!
Post your comment on this blog to share your wishes for a curious life.
Curious Dates Make Great Mates to read the full article. Here's to satisfaction!!
If by now you are wondering why this is relevant, you may be one of the fortunates who currently may not be experiencing the blah of an unchaperoned life. You may yet be early on in your career and enjoying the single life. If so... yaay you!! If on the other hand, you are reading and getting ahead of yourself in agreement.. well, how does Beyonce say it? "Put your hands up...!"
Here's a true story!! When I spoke with successful women who were close to the top of their organizations and some who even ran their own businesses, I learned they were all single. All but one. Why is that? Why is it so lonely at the top?? Many of the women stated that it was not so easy finding some one who was their equal... Note for some that equal may have meant professional equal, socio-economical equal, spiritual equal, intellectual equal... and on and on. But take note, I don't believe these women are snobs as some would have us believe. I suggest instead that many of these women are looking for something ... a certain je ne sais quoi.
Dr. Paul Dobransky from Psychology Today suggests that for them and others (both men and women) curiosity is the 'one trait' that will outlast or enhance your mate's other features and lead you to embrace those enduring qualities. Here's what Dobransky says:
For many busy people with heavy workloads, duties, and stress, it might not occur at first that there are good and bad investments we make - even in the very first moments of spending time, energy, or any resources on a potential date, mate, or eventual spouse. If we could only choose one thing to look for, it ought to be their capacity for curiosity.
That's right. That simple.
In the end you'll find that curiosity didn't "kill the cat." It saved the marriage - likely through the wisdom to recognize its presence as early as the first date.
Curious Dates Make Great Mates
Think about it. If you were only interested in a casual, fun flirtation - or sex - it's a bad investment to be with a person who is not curious about you, about themselves, or about people in general. It would be a boring connection - dispassionate, stilted lovers instead of meaningful intimacy promising better things to come. They wouldn't tend to enquire about your dreams, desires, and all that makes you feel alive. If the trait of curiosity is not there at the beginning, it's not likely going to get much better than this, ever. Even if it was only one date you invested in, that's one more wasted day lost from your life.
If you were looking just to befriend a person platonically, you would still likely be spending more time, energy, and other resources on them than you get back in the relationship... if they are not a curious person. They wouldn't tend to enquire what your needs, tastes and preferences are, and likely wouldn't spontaneously communicate their own. It's hard to keep up a friendship with a person whom you don't really know, and even more likely that you are going to argue, compete, and not see eye-to-eye on the very issues that cause people to enter friendships in the first place. All because you couldn't get to an emotionally intimate knowledge of each other from the get-go.
If you were considering being exclusive, having them as a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, or perhaps you're already in a commitment, it's a big, big problem if they are not a curious person.
Why?
There are several reasons, and they all peg to some specific working parts of the psyche, gender instincts, and character. In fact, these things will reveal to you a fair degree of what is likely to happen between you in both the near future and the long-term future.
What would it be like to be predictive about some likely future situations with a man or woman in just about any area of conflict? From the potential for betrayal, to financial challenges, management of friendships and family, health crises, and child-rearing, crossing all the most difficult divides between a man and a woman begins with the capacity to be curious.
The Self Psychologists long ago began to address the condition called pathological narcissism. This is a person with a lot of emotional maturing to do, in which they exhibit selfishness, poor boundaries, destructive attitudes and behaviors toward others, and in the realm of friendship and love, tend to fall far short of being mature, fit partners to others.
There have been quite a few pop psychology books on the subject of narcissism and its connection to "codependence," likening this condition to being like an "emotional vampire" - someone who drains the energy of romantic partners in the same way that rearing a difficult child can be exhausting to parents, leaving them emotionally spent.
Still, in matters of the heart, it is hard for logic to ever reign supreme. It is a common thing for many today to do the illogical thing - to stay with a bad relationship even though it drains your energy, to keep dating a "Bad-boy" even though he is destructive, to stay married to an entitled woman who is costly, both financially and spiritually.
We say to ourselves, "Well, they say they love me. They must love me."
We notice we still desire them even though we fight.
We find they are a devoted parent to our child even though we never even talk about our sexual needs or preferences anymore.
Then we confuse words with emotions, then emotions with romantic fitness as a partner.
Then desire, lust, love, friendship, maturity (outgrowing narcissism), and committed partnership are confused with each other.
We then just don't know what to do anymore.
It all started harmlessly - long before the "emotional involvement," the man and woman simply engaged in idle conversation. Words that led to a romance.
How about taming the illogical passions, the vague hues of emotion, and the ambivalence of a committed partnership under duress - with the cold, hard intellectual trait of curiosity.
The opposite of curiosity is the state of being judgmental or prejudiced, [DID HE SAY THAT???] which while features of one's intellectual style - our communication habits, our words - are no less narcissistic than the emotional neediness or abusiveness of others.
The judgmental, the prejudiced, are intellectually narcissistic - your clue that as you intertwine lives over time, they will be emotionally narcissistic too. Usually, we adhere to the old wise saying warning us to "judge others by their actions, not words." In the case of assessing mature curiosity versus being judgmental, the reverse may be far more useful:
Know people through curious words, not passionate actions.
On the path to your career nirvana... I believe that a healthy and satisfying relationship is one essential aspect of your ability to lead a whole and fulfilling life. Imagine for a moment, a life shared with a curious other... where you are able to share and therefore build on your ideas, your thoughts, your dreams, your desires.... a life that basks in the intimately, emotional knowledge of each other. What a mmm-mmm life that would be!!
Post your comment on this blog to share your wishes for a curious life.
Curious Dates Make Great Mates to read the full article. Here's to satisfaction!!
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