"If we would ourselves as others see us, it would from many a blunder free us", became a familiar signature phrase for one radio show announcer in New York, as he ended his segment on Saturday evenings. How true it is.
Recently I recommended a 360 feedback for someone. This is aggregated feedback from persons who work (have worked) with you at different levels, and should include peers, superiors, and subordinates. Its purpose is to provide a comprehensive (360-degree view) of the way one is perceived. Its premise is that we all have blindspots.
Imagine showing up at work each day and completing the work you are assigned. You get it done on time, even ahead of time. You offer to be a resource for others should they need help. You get along with even the most notorious curmudgeon in the team. How you do it? No one knows... but you do it. You get invited to all the after-work events because people genuinely enjoy your company. Yet, you never seem to snag the carrot. You get paltry increases, overlooked for promotions, and can never seem to land the sexy projects. Now that you think about it, is there maybe a little (almost indecipherable) tension between you and your manager? Something is wrong but you just can't seem to put a finger on it.
During the course of obtaining the feedback, I was startled by two things:
1) People will not always volunteer feedback, even if it is constructive. You have got to ask for it!
2) The way others see you is the truth they believe about you ... but you won't know unless you ask!
Here's one for your toolkit: Initiate your own 360. Ask for feedback so you can begin to know how others see you. That way you will avoid the blind side.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
You are so Much More....
In a day when popular media would have us believe we are no more than desperate Bachelorettes and dueling Housewives I am so pleased to remind you that you are so much more. So much more.
Almost one hundred years ago, in November, 1912, a seminal Oregon ballot measure passed that granted women the right to vote. In 2011, three women from war-torn patriarchical societies won the Nobel peace prize.
Women at every level are changing the landscape. Women are still a force with which to be reckoned. I was particularly thrilled to learn how the Liberian women would stop at nothing to end the destructive practices of Charles Taylor and his warlords including withholding sexual intimacy from their husbands, to stripping naked (a shameful thing), and unwavering protest. We are as strategic as we are savvy and we definitely have power.
At a recent political debate in 2012, that was attended by people who longed for the traditional values US, many, if not all in the audience gave presidential candidate Newt Gingrich a standing ovation. See the speaker asked him to respond to statements by his former wife that Gingrich left his first wife while she was fighting cancer and took up with wife number 2. While married to wife number 2, he had a 6-year affair and subsequently left no. 2 when she was diagnosed with a chronic disease for wife number 3. Gingrich thought it was despicable for the moderator to bring that up in a Presidential debate. A lot of the accusations are no secret and Gingrich has owned to them, so I question, which is more despicable? To ask the embarrassing question or to demonstrate a habit of disrespecting and consistently dishonoring women. And as for the women who allow themselves to be treated so poorly. What should our legacy be? What is our purpose? Should we offer ourselves to be trampled on emotionally and paraded as though we are brainless animals with no sense of self, to be used and disposed of at the whim of others? Or do we want to take our place in life doing our part to shape the world?
I know I have a purpose, so I choose to take my place in shaping the world.
The next time the media tries to inundate us with the destructive depiction of our worst selves, I hope you remember, you are worth so much more. So much more!! I hope you aspire to a legacy that can uplift even one person, in addition to yourself.
Read more about women who are peacemakers and changing the world. They are game changers and so are you!! If you choose.
Almost one hundred years ago, in November, 1912, a seminal Oregon ballot measure passed that granted women the right to vote. In 2011, three women from war-torn patriarchical societies won the Nobel peace prize.
Women at every level are changing the landscape. Women are still a force with which to be reckoned. I was particularly thrilled to learn how the Liberian women would stop at nothing to end the destructive practices of Charles Taylor and his warlords including withholding sexual intimacy from their husbands, to stripping naked (a shameful thing), and unwavering protest. We are as strategic as we are savvy and we definitely have power.
At a recent political debate in 2012, that was attended by people who longed for the traditional values US, many, if not all in the audience gave presidential candidate Newt Gingrich a standing ovation. See the speaker asked him to respond to statements by his former wife that Gingrich left his first wife while she was fighting cancer and took up with wife number 2. While married to wife number 2, he had a 6-year affair and subsequently left no. 2 when she was diagnosed with a chronic disease for wife number 3. Gingrich thought it was despicable for the moderator to bring that up in a Presidential debate. A lot of the accusations are no secret and Gingrich has owned to them, so I question, which is more despicable? To ask the embarrassing question or to demonstrate a habit of disrespecting and consistently dishonoring women. And as for the women who allow themselves to be treated so poorly. What should our legacy be? What is our purpose? Should we offer ourselves to be trampled on emotionally and paraded as though we are brainless animals with no sense of self, to be used and disposed of at the whim of others? Or do we want to take our place in life doing our part to shape the world?
I know I have a purpose, so I choose to take my place in shaping the world.
The next time the media tries to inundate us with the destructive depiction of our worst selves, I hope you remember, you are worth so much more. So much more!! I hope you aspire to a legacy that can uplift even one person, in addition to yourself.
Read more about women who are peacemakers and changing the world. They are game changers and so are you!! If you choose.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Your story, your life...
Fascinating how stories inspire us to be more.
Take the story of the man who earned a fortune in explosives intended for war and destruction. It was when he read his obituary that was mistakenly published, that he decided he would change the narrative of his life. This man devoted the remainder of his life and his legacy to supporting peace. Alfred Nobel's estate lives on in the coveted Nobel Peace Prize that encourages positive, non-violent, and inspiring work from all peoples.
Or take Saima Muhammad, a woman living in a poor village in Pakistan. She and her husband are dirt poor, but Mister takes out his anger and personal frustrations by frequently beating his wife. Then to add insult to injury, Mister wracks up more debt than he can possibly pay, while his mother points out Saima's uselessness as reason he should take another wife. (Isn't it sort of odd, even this broke, cowardly man still has options? I digress!)
Well Saima figures out a new wife would only mean less money for her and her children, so I'm guessing she probably put a hand on her hip and said, "This is not how this story will end!" What did she do? Saima took out a micro-loan... you know, one of those tiny, tiny loans aimed at helping poor women start a business. She used the money to start an embroidery business. With her talent, Saima grew her business until she was able to pay off the loan, pay for repairs to their home, hire unemployed neighbors, ensure a rare education for her children, and put to rest the notion of a new wife.
Saima and Alfred are only two people from different ends of the spectrum who decided to create a different story for their life. Why not you?
Every year, resolutions are made and goals are set, followed by the whispered sigh of failure and invisible drooping shoulders when goals stall and the resolutions break.
My challenge... no, my question for you is simply this: What is the story of your life? and then, What would you like that story to be?
Yes, I'm serious. Your resources and your talents may lie be somewhere between those of Saima and Alfred but I believe YOU have the power to create your own narrative. Your new story could be: What is the life you want to live? How will you be remembered?
May I encourage you to grab pen and paper and start writing it down. Write the story of you as you would like it to be told. Write your story strong, write your story proud. It is in that story that you will begin to see your purpose. I use stories to help people live their best life, and your new story would frame the narrative of your life. Now, wouldn't that begin a happy New Year!!
Take the story of the man who earned a fortune in explosives intended for war and destruction. It was when he read his obituary that was mistakenly published, that he decided he would change the narrative of his life. This man devoted the remainder of his life and his legacy to supporting peace. Alfred Nobel's estate lives on in the coveted Nobel Peace Prize that encourages positive, non-violent, and inspiring work from all peoples.
Or take Saima Muhammad, a woman living in a poor village in Pakistan. She and her husband are dirt poor, but Mister takes out his anger and personal frustrations by frequently beating his wife. Then to add insult to injury, Mister wracks up more debt than he can possibly pay, while his mother points out Saima's uselessness as reason he should take another wife. (Isn't it sort of odd, even this broke, cowardly man still has options? I digress!)
Well Saima figures out a new wife would only mean less money for her and her children, so I'm guessing she probably put a hand on her hip and said, "This is not how this story will end!" What did she do? Saima took out a micro-loan... you know, one of those tiny, tiny loans aimed at helping poor women start a business. She used the money to start an embroidery business. With her talent, Saima grew her business until she was able to pay off the loan, pay for repairs to their home, hire unemployed neighbors, ensure a rare education for her children, and put to rest the notion of a new wife.
Saima and Alfred are only two people from different ends of the spectrum who decided to create a different story for their life. Why not you?
Every year, resolutions are made and goals are set, followed by the whispered sigh of failure and invisible drooping shoulders when goals stall and the resolutions break.
My challenge... no, my question for you is simply this: What is the story of your life? and then, What would you like that story to be?
Yes, I'm serious. Your resources and your talents may lie be somewhere between those of Saima and Alfred but I believe YOU have the power to create your own narrative. Your new story could be: What is the life you want to live? How will you be remembered?
May I encourage you to grab pen and paper and start writing it down. Write the story of you as you would like it to be told. Write your story strong, write your story proud. It is in that story that you will begin to see your purpose. I use stories to help people live their best life, and your new story would frame the narrative of your life. Now, wouldn't that begin a happy New Year!!
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