Get back in the water....

Bethany Hamilton is a young surfer whose name shot to 'fame' because a shark had bit her arm clean off, while she was surfing.  Even now my stomach cringes at the thought of what that must have felt like.  Bethany, as it turns out was quite a young girl who started surfing at the tender age of eight.  At about 13 years old, enjoying the sport she loved, Bethany endured a horrible attack.  How sad.  Horrible even.  Yet for me, this is where the story begins.

Bethany has become quite an inspiration to others.  She credits her amazing strength, as well as her emotional recovery to her solid faith.  I believe that for people who are able to rewrite their story, they lean on a power source that is greater than our mortal selves.  In Bethany's case that is her faith in God.

Bethany has decided not to wear prosthesis, not to hide her injury, and almost at once, she went back in the water.  Yes, as soon as she could, Bethany began to surf again.

What is it that causes this young woman to face death head on and not give in?  What is it that drives this young woman to refuse to be held hostage to the threat of a deadly shark?  Who would really have faulted her if she never went back to the ocean?

How many times do we succumb to our own trauma that we can never go that route again?  We tell ourselves something like, "I had an accident, I will never drive again."  "My husband (wife) cheated, I will never fall in love again."  "I failed twice before, I can never try again."  The stories go on and on.

I'm speaking to you... as I'm speaking to myself because Bethany's narrative inspires me to do more.   If you ever get bit, or stung, or hurt... or even if you tell yourself you're just scared... I hope you find your way to get back in the water.  Take your time, ask for help, but do it.  Just do it.

Change your Story!!!

Given my love for narrative, it is no wonder I loved, loved, loved this article and immediately wanted to share it.  The article submission in Psychology Today was written by Dr. Bakari Akil II - Assistant Professor of Communication, where he posits, the way we define our life affects our circumstances.  Where have I heard that before???  Of course it does.  


The article makes the connection between conversations and outcomes, stories we tell ourselves and the results we produce.  By talking to ourselves we affirm ourselves, what we believe, and how we see ourselves.  We either agree that we have awesome possibility, we don't have what it takes, or some variation of either theme. When we talk to ourselves, we speak life into our words... and bring truth to being.  I urge you to keep in mind that the story you tell will become your reality.  Our daily conversations can energize us to keep going, or paralyze us and making it difficult to move.  If you find yourself stuck, Dr. Akil's advice is to change your story. I wholly agree.


Change the Story!  

"Examine what you are telling yourself. What you have accepted, are accepting and will accept in the future is based on who you think you are. To change that you have to consciously alter the story of whom you think you are to fit the concept of who you want to be. Then act accordingly!"

                                                                                                                  Bakari Akil II, Ph.D.

 Read my blog - The Power in Self Talk or click to learn more about the theme of changing your story.

Power in Self-Talk

So many times I've heard people say the power of life and death is in the tongue.  (That is actually a verse from the Bible - Proverbs 18:21) I would take it a little further to say there is power in the self-talk we create, or the story to which we give life.  If that is so... then it must mean that what we say can breathe life into reality. Wow!!

Helping you find Your Inner Winner© is a journey to which I've now committed... both in the work-setting and in your personal life.  So many of us find ourselves stuck in a narrative that is leading us down a dead-end street. Is that really where we want to be? Locked in one of life's cul-de-sacs with limited options and feeling like the only way out is to retrace the tortured route that got us to 'stuck'?

I'm proposing that the way we talk... and the story / narrative we create for ourselves will change the way we think. It will change the way we think about ourselves, the way we think about our past, and the way we think about what is possible.

Self-talk is a potent pill.  The way we talk to and about ourself can open up possibilities or it can lead us to feeling stuck.

Yuck!!

That is why I'm challenging each of us to revise our self-talk and change our narrative.

Want to test the power of self-talk? Think of a time when your own self-talk predicted the way things turned out for you.  I would love for you to share that story.

Let your light shine....

Today is one day after someone called me to ask whether I had heard that Whitney Houston had died.  Of course I hadn't heard that... because she hadn't died.  I was on my way to the supermarket and when I got there, I looked carefully into the faces of the shoppers. You see, I wanted to find signs that an alarming tragedy had not just happened.  Seeing nothing, I asked two customers... but they knew nothing.  My hope was alive, albeit fleeting. I was starting to see news on my smartphone.  Of course, now we all know the story is true even though it took a while to be reported.  Sad.

Sadder yet were the quick reports re-emphasizing the less glorious parts of Whitney's life. Certainly, the star of Whitney Houston had shone brightly in its time, hadn't it?  Maybe I am one of the few who was surprised at her passing.  Surprised because I was waiting for the movie Sparkle, and the new starts that would accompany it.  Surprised because I knew Whitney was trying to make a comeback.  Surprised because I wanted Whitney to finish strong and triumphant. And maybe she did. 

In searching for a way to make sense of this passing that for me feels devastatingly shocking and so, so sad, I want to share a recent post by one of my FB friends.  She wrote, "A flawed diamond is infinitely more valuable than a perfect pebble. How apt as we reflect on the life and times of Whitney Houston! Maybe we could resolve to be more accepting of each other - flaws and all, remembering that we all "have this treasure in jars of clay ...". After all, perfection is a figment of an over-active imagination."

As you look to develop your inner winner, you owe it to your best self to nurture the treasure of a gift you've been given.  Nurture your talent in your jar of clay, and honor it so your light will shine.

Don't Be Blindsided!!

"If we would ourselves as others see us, it would from many a blunder free us", became a familiar signature phrase for one radio show announcer in New York, as he ended his segment on Saturday evenings.  How true it is.

Recently I recommended a 360 feedback for someone.  This is aggregated feedback from persons who work (have worked) with you at different levels, and should include peers, superiors, and subordinates.  Its purpose is to provide a comprehensive (360-degree view) of the way one is perceived.  Its premise is that we all have blindspots. 

Imagine showing up at work each day and completing the work you are assigned. You get it done on time, even ahead of time. You offer to be a resource for others should they need help.  You get along with even the most notorious curmudgeon in the team.  How you do it? No one knows... but you do it.  You get invited to all the after-work events because people genuinely enjoy your company.  Yet, you never seem to snag the carrot.  You get paltry increases, overlooked for promotions, and can never seem to land the sexy projects. Now that you think about it, is there maybe a little (almost indecipherable) tension between you and your manager?  Something is wrong but you just can't seem to put a finger on it.

During the course of obtaining the feedback, I was startled by two things:
1) People will not always volunteer feedback, even if it is constructive.  You have got to ask for it!
2) The way others see you is the truth they believe about you ... but you won't know unless you ask!

Here's one for your toolkit: Initiate your own 360.  Ask for feedback so you can begin to know how others see you.  That way you will avoid the blind side.

You are so Much More....

In a day when popular media would have us believe we are no more than desperate Bachelorettes and dueling Housewives I am so pleased to remind you that you are so much more.  So much more.

Almost one hundred years ago, in November, 1912, a seminal Oregon ballot measure passed that granted women the right to vote.  In 2011, three women from war-torn patriarchical societies won the Nobel peace prize.

Women at every level are changing the landscape.  Women are still a force with which to be reckoned. I was particularly thrilled to learn how the Liberian women would stop at nothing to end the destructive practices of Charles Taylor and his warlords including withholding sexual intimacy from their husbands, to stripping naked (a shameful thing), and unwavering protest.  We are as strategic as we are savvy and we definitely have power.

At a recent political debate in 2012, that was attended by people who longed for the traditional values US, many, if not all in the audience gave presidential candidate Newt Gingrich a standing ovation.  See the speaker asked him to respond to statements by his former wife that Gingrich left his first wife while she was fighting cancer and took up with wife number 2. While married to wife number 2, he had a 6-year affair and subsequently left no. 2 when she was diagnosed with a chronic disease for wife number 3.  Gingrich thought it was despicable for the moderator to bring that up in a Presidential debate.  A lot of the accusations are no secret and Gingrich has owned to them, so I question, which is more despicable? To ask the embarrassing question or to demonstrate a habit of disrespecting and consistently dishonoring women.  And as for the women who allow themselves to be treated so poorly.  What should our legacy be?  What is our purpose? Should we offer ourselves to be trampled on emotionally and paraded as though we are brainless animals with no sense of self, to be used and disposed of at the whim of others? Or do we want to take our place in life doing our part to shape the world?

I know I have a purpose, so I choose to take my place in shaping the world.

The next time the media tries to inundate us with the destructive depiction of our worst selves, I hope you remember, you are worth so much more.  So much more!! I hope you aspire to a legacy that can uplift even one person, in addition to yourself.


Read more about women who are peacemakers and changing the world.  They are game changers and so are you!!  If you choose.

Your story, your life...

Fascinating how stories inspire us to be more.
Take the story of the man who earned a fortune in explosives intended for war and destruction. It was when he read his obituary that was mistakenly published, that he decided he would change the narrative of his life.  This man devoted the remainder of his life and his legacy to supporting peace. Alfred Nobel's estate lives on in the coveted Nobel Peace Prize that encourages positive, non-violent, and inspiring work from all peoples.
Or take Saima Muhammad, a woman living in a poor village in Pakistan.  She and her husband are dirt poor, but Mister takes out his anger and personal frustrations by frequently beating his wife.  Then to add insult to injury, Mister wracks up more debt than he can possibly pay, while his mother points out Saima's uselessness as reason he should take another wife.  (Isn't it sort of odd, even this broke, cowardly man still has options? I digress!)
Well Saima figures out a new wife would only mean less money for her and her children, so I'm guessing she probably put a hand on her hip and said, "This is not how this story will end!" What did she do? Saima took out a micro-loan... you know, one of those tiny, tiny loans aimed at helping poor women start a business.  She used the money to start an embroidery business.  With her talent, Saima grew her business until she was able to pay off the loan, pay for repairs to their home, hire unemployed neighbors,  ensure a rare education for her children, and put to rest the notion of a new wife.
Saima and Alfred are only two people from different ends of the spectrum who decided to create a different story for their life.  Why not you?

Every year, resolutions are made and goals are set, followed by the whispered sigh of failure and invisible drooping shoulders when goals stall and the resolutions break.  

My challenge... no, my question for you is simply this: What is the story of your life? and then, What would you like that story to be?

Yes, I'm serious.  Your resources and your talents may lie be somewhere between those of Saima and Alfred but I believe YOU have the power to create your own narrative. Your new story could be: What is the life you want to live? How will you be remembered?

May I encourage you to grab pen and paper and start writing it down.  Write the story of you as you would like it to be told.  Write your story strong, write your story proud.  It is in that story that you will begin to see your purpose.  I use stories to help people live their best life, and your new story would frame the narrative of your life.  Now, wouldn't that begin a happy New Year!!