Malala Yousafzai embodies grace and shows us her inner winner.

When I heard Malala Yousafzai address the UN, I knew I was witnessing greatness.  This young Pakistani took up the mantle of defending equal access to education when she was 11 years old. She is changing the narrative of what is possible for young girls in Pakistan ... all in the face of the Taliban trying to deny them an education.  Malala and her family were living in Pakistan when the Taliban had issued an edict in 2009 banning all girls from school. Malala was writing anonymously in a blog for the BBC at the time, and pursuing the education that was valuable to her.  It was in her pursuit of an education at 15 years old, that she was shot in her head. To hear this young lady speak inspires me beyond words.... Malala has tapped her inner winner.  Proud!!

Making Connections through Story

Are you as fascinated as I that stories connect us.  Everyone has a story, and our stories touch and connect or they may drive us away.  Either way, I find them purely fascinating. I wonder sometimes whether I am a vessel for stories. Other people's stories. Like the one of my gentle giant.

One day I was in New York's Chinatown to purchase fish.  It was the day before Good Friday and since it was our family's custom to have fish for dinner on that day, Chinatown was the best place for me to buy the freshest selection at a low price.  The sellers and buyers had an interestingly strange interaction in the way they barely connected except to exchange money and fish along with some short, snappy, barking sounds.  The buyers were trying to get their fish and escape the smell and random splash of fishy liquid as quickly as possible.  The sellers wanted fish buyers to complete their purchases and make room for new customers, as quickly as possible.  I thought it was an uncharacteristically rude way to conduct business, so I stepped to the side while someone was was de-scaling the fish I had purchased.  It was then that I noticed my gentle giant.

His eyes were darting around the sea of buyers as though looking to help someone. He never said a word, and I will never know what possessed me to ask.
"Will you be closed tomorrow?" I was referring to Good Friday.
"No, not tomorrow", my giant replied.  Then he looked down at me from what seemed like a height of 6 feet 7 inches or so, and began to tell me his story.  He told me he had moved from China to Arlington, Virginia with his wife.  He had loved their life in Virginia and I nodded that I understood.  They had one child then another and they were happy as can be. Nice home, warm neighbors, comfy weather made it all worth while, except for one little, big thing.  The money was funny and he needed to make more.  My gentle giant moved to New York to be able to earn a higher wage and support his family.  But the move cost him.

"Pay better," gentle giant explained, "but life not so good.  Much better in Virginia."  I knew what he meant of course.  New York is tough, as Alicia Keys points out in song, it's a "concrete jungle where dreams are made of...".

"Everyday I work... I stand all day.  Everyday I stand in water.  Rain or shine, I just stand here and sell fish.  People see me, they don't understand.  It hurt to stand all day, but what can we do?  We have to sell fish.  In cold, in snow, in hot or cold, I stand in water all day, everyday.  But not Chinese New Year.  We close that day."  He spoke in short bursts, and then he became quiet.

My giant looked off in the distance as though silently revisiting some long-ago memories, and in my mind, I was right there with him.  In the midst of the noisy fish market, my giant and I were standing in our own little world, thinking of another time and a better life in Virginia, while standing on the edge of pandemomium that was the fish market.

Later, I would think back several times to my encounter with the giant.  When I had looked into his eyes I had seen a man who feels, a man who hurts, a man who wanted the best for the family he loves, just like the rest of us.  That's when I first saw gentleness.  Now, when I think back on that moment, I  appreciate the miracle of those few minutes - when I connected with a gentle giant, in the hectic frenzy of one Holy Thursday afternoon as we shared some moments of his story.

Are you fascinated at the way stories can connect us?  They can connect us to the best of each other.

Thank you gentle giant.  Thank you.

How do you handle your something of value?

This past weekend (Mother's Day) sent me back to the Bible. I mentor a group of young ladies and wow!! I realized I have to step up my game. These young women are bright, talented, smart, beautiful, and they seem very sure of themselves.  To see them walk with humph, to hear them talk with snap... they hypnotize me.  It is when I start to listen... it occurs to me, they have so much to learn... about  life, about being a woman.  The question is whether I have anything to offer.

So I went back to the Bible and I was amazed at what I found. Proverbs 31 - Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is worth far more than rubies. 

Rubies are valuable ladies. They are said to be the most powerful gem in the universe.  And you my dears, are worth far more. 


Sometimes when I look on, I wonder whether my lovely ladies know they are worth so much more.  So much more.

Proverbs 31 also tells us how she thinks and acts as a wife, a mother, and a woman.

She fears God.  She is an entrepreneur - and a successful businesswoman. This woman is kind and thoughtful, stylish and elegant, and not likely to be seen in clothing unbefitting a lady. 

Because of the way she carries herself, her husband has favor and is highly respected.  She is strong.  She is honorable. She is not idle, but rather she works hard.  She is kind to her employees and the people in her household.  She is wise and intelligent.  She is gentle and kind.  She is creative, confident, and resourceful, and her children hold her in high regard.  Her husband also thinks the world of her... as he should. Did I say she is strong? Yes, and she looks good. 

I wish my lovely young ladies would remember the value of their worth.  I want you to live like you know the value of your worth. 

So tell me, how do you handle your something of value?

Leaning In - Just not enough!!

Recently @Sheryl Sandberg's book @Lean In has been all the buzz.  Sandberg's view that women may inadvertently be holding ourselves back in the workplace by not speaking up, not being assertive enough, not networking with the right people enough, not taking a seat at the table.... is interesting, and in some instances true.  I know this because I've heard many women describe their coming of age story, rife with uncertainty, low confidence, and wobbly ways.    When MSNBC's @Mika Brzezinski compares her experience trying to negotiate her salary against that of her colleague Joe Scarborough, it is funny because of the way she tells it.  Sad because many of us know she tells our truth.  Women like Sandberg and Brzezinski maybe providing signposts for women to navigate the workplace, however.....

Sandberg and others seem not to acknowledge enough the stories of others.  The experiences of their half sisters who lean until they are broken, and it still is not enough.  Putting aside the women who were born into the corporate cradle and are called on constantly to take on sweet assignments -- regardless of their talent, most of us start slow and learn to lean as we work our way up the ladder.

We have learned how to sit, where to sit, with whom to sit, and even when to sit... at the table.

That women jeopardize themselves is really only one part of the story, and it sickens me that that is the part of the story that gets repeated over and over.  The half-sisters know, the story has another part.

There are women in the workforce who are constantly scrutinized through the unyielding glare of gender stereotype, racial prejudice, cultural bias, until it almost wears them down.  These women get up every time, brush off the micro-inequities... when they can.  They set aside the innuendoes and they learn to lean again.  Sometimes they are rewarded, but often they are broken.  These experiences are not often acknowledged.

When a benefits manager transferred to a new location in her company, she was met with barely veiled hostility.  Her manager volunteered to pick her up at the airport in his two seater then told her when he saw her, that he had no room for her and her luggage.  She took a gulp... and tried to lean again.

The patient did not hide her great surprise when she learned that the doctor who had been examining her was actually not a nurse.  See, the doctor was a woman and she was Black. If she had been female and White, it would have been alright, or even male and Black.  Those groupings would be fine if she were to be a doctor.  But she could not be female AND Black, could she?  She had to straighten up, before preparing to lean again.

As a professor at a top university in New York, having a doctorate was mandatory - I'm told.  Yet, when a student announced to her classmates, in my presence, that she 'knew' some teachers only got their positions because of affirmative action, I had to take a moment to breathe.  I brushed it off, and then I leaned in again.  

The weight of these added experiences can make leaning challenging, yet there are women like Sonia Sotomayor, Ann Fudge, Indra Nooyi, Condoleezza Rice, Susan Rice, and Ursula Burns, who show us what is possible.

I love that there are women like Sandberg, who want to share signposts for steering to career success.  I wish however, they would acknowledge that these signposts will not work for everybody.  Acknowledge that leaning in is not all there is, and acknowledge that while some people can lean in, for some people, leaning in is not enough.

To that end, I am inspired by the women who learn from others, carve their own path, and learn how to soar, when the Sandberg signposts are just not enough.