Recently I met with two fellow writers. Although I look forward to our regular meetings, I was worried, I confessed. "Why?" they questioned. When I tried to bare my legitimate fear to these dear friends, they responded with scoffs and laughter. Friends did I say?
Then one woman put things in perspective for me. She said, "You know, it's like you're planning a road trip from New York to California, and you're already worried about where you're gonna have lunch in New Mexico. Except, you have not even left your driveway. In New York."
She was right!! I was worried about how I was going to market a book that I had not even finished writing. Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I shouldn't be thinking about marketing... of course I should. Thinking and planning... yes... but certainly not worrying?!! And talk about worrying to the point of paralysis... fuhgeddaboudit!
But many of us worry... and therein lies our fear. My fear? That my book might not sell. Yes, I told you... still in the driveway. (It's okay, you may laugh.) What is going on with this thing called fear? I spoke with some women who are extremely accomplished, and here's what one woman had to say on the subject:
"What are you afraid of? Afraid someone won't like you? Afraid someone will tell you no? Afraid someone will laugh at you? Afraid you'll fall on your face? So what? Huh... ? So what? Do it anyway. You don't get the job you want... go for another job! or go after the same job again! You don't get the house you want... go after another house! What are you afraid of??"
She is right, "So what?" And so here's what I wish I'd known... Most people won't laugh, but maybe one or two might. If you fall down, someone will definitely help you up. However, if you get told "no", so what? It certainly won't be the end of the world. So what are we afraid of?
What are the dreams we dared not try? What are the careers we did not pursue "because we are too old"? So what?
I read that Sojourner Truth was the first black woman to sue a white man (her former slave-owner) in court and win. This was in the 1820s y'all. A woman/former slave went up in what we can assume was a court with a white judge, white lawyers, and if necessary, white jurors, in a system definitely designed to favor the white citizen.... to sue her former owner who was white. Was she afraid? Maybe... but so what? She sued. And won!!
So here's my lesson ... the lesson I've learned and the thing I wish I'd known. Why we choose fear? I don't really know... but so many of us do. And I don't know why we worry about New Mexico, when we're still sitting in the driveway in New York. But that's our choice. However, I encourage you, don't let the fear stop your plans and deny your dreams. Don't freeze because you fear. Trust me... don't.
So what? so you miss the mark the first time... so what? So do it again! So what... if you go back to school now you'll be 40 or even 50, by the time you graduate... so what? You'll be 40 or 50 anyway, right? And so what ... you'll be nervous as all get out the first time you do something new... so what? Do it anyway.
Believe me when I tell you the more you do it... the less fear you'll have. So I encourage you to just do it anyway. You don't believe me? Check this out... think about a time - one time you dared to do something even though you felt afraid. You want to tell me about it? I would love to hear how you said "So what?"
Talk to me!! and thanks to my writer-friends.
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