Lessons from a Creativity Coach

This post was graciously and generously submitted by a dear friend and creativity coach Kathy Kane. Kathy's company Kane Creative Consulting helps individuals find a creative pathway to goal attainment. I've included the link to Kathy's blog. http://www.kanecreativeconsulting.com/CreativeCompass/

Thanks Kathy.
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Recently, I bought a book on creativity. The book was written almost 100 years ago. While struggling with an outdated style of prose I realized that these ideas were not new to me. They were probably not new then. They were truths that I see and hear often; that I know to be true; that I need to hear again and again. Lessons in creative courage.

Everywhere I look there are lessons. Some have come late; some were at my mother’s knee; some are being fired at me daily. Sometimes I have my Teflon shield up, playing Clueless Woman and letting the good stuff fall all around me. Other times, however, I get brave. I let my guard down and listen. Really, that’s the only way we really learn - with our eyes and hearts wide open. It takes courage and a small dose of humility. At least that’s how it is for me.

Henri Estienne said, “If youth knew; if age could”. What a lot of time wasted in between! Maybe the most important lesson is to look for the lesson; recognize the value in someone else’s story, know we don’t have to reinvent the wheel although we can certainly modify it to fit our journey. This is where we need that courage to open up to those lessons we hear over and over again; to see the lessons of those who went before. That’s where we could use a little of that humility to accept the fact that we don’t know it all and, as a matter of fact, we don’t have to!

As a recovering perfectionist I know just how tough it can be to take in those lessons. The lesson that says I can accept less than perfect from myself; maybe even small and crappy. The lesson that says I can continue to learn and that it’s actually fun; the lesson that shows me how to move toward my creative goals a minute at a time. I can listen to those who have struggled before me and realize that, okay, here’s another wheel I don’t have to reinvent. I can observe the joy of those who are sharing their story, who speak in the hope that I am listening and learning. I scrunch up my courage and jump in knowing the net will appear and changing my life in the process. All lessons I would have missed had I stayed wrapped up in the idea that I already knew it all.

Maybe I will pull out those water colors and leaf through a painting book and see how I might get back to something I put down years ago; something I avoided because I didn’t have the time to do it perfectly. I’ll take the teleclass in photography and, while my photos won’t be as wonderful as some of the others, perhaps I’ll develop a new way of seeing in the process. I’ll pay attention, drink in the lessons that are out there in the creative world of which we are all citizens. I’ll stay present and aware and let the lessons seep into my cells until they become a part of me. Maybe I’ll go back and revisit some of the lessons my mother taught me, too. I bet I’ve heard them a few times, too.

Success...is it a thing you want or something you expect?

If you fail to plan...

Success is often a standard that many of us are encouraged to embrace. And so many of us do... embrace success that is. So why does it seem to be such an elusive dream? Just out of reach. Is success something we want? or is it something we expect? Well Ellie... what is the difference? Glad you asked. I'll tell you...

A sports team expects to win when they visualize the win and practise consistently to achieve it. On the other hand, a student who parties late into the night, does little studying, and often misses classes, yet says he wants a grade of 'A' is being hopeful. And to quote someone really smart, "Hope is not a strategy, my friend!".

Most of us will state with certainty that we want to be successful. In fact, Ursula Burns, Sara Blakely, Ann Fudge, Mia Hamm, Venus and Serena Williams are some women that most would describe as successful. And if we examine their stories, we will find out that each of these individuals had embarked upon a course of actions that positioned themselves for success. Indeed, they may have dreamed of success, but they also set goals, and adopted behaviors that would help them achieve these goals.

So now I ask... as you take a look at your life, are you achieving the goals you want? or the ones you expect? Consider that for 15 seconds.

Create a vivid picture

It's frequently been reported that creating goals and writing them down gives one a greater chance of achieving these goals. A premise of one of my recommended reads for aspiring leaders... Write it down and make it happen by Henriette Anne Klauser. One game winning strategy that many athletes practise is to visualize the win they want to accomplish - step by careful step. So whether you want to visualize your goals, write them down, or create visioning projects (like vision boards), I urge you to heed the call to create the goal that you expect. When I was a young girl in high school, I heard the saying, "If you fail to plan, then you should plan to fail." Unfortunately for me, I have had instances when I've personally experienced the truth in that warning.

It's a new year... and at the risk of sounding cliche, it's a new opportunity to start again... and position ourselves for awesome success by creating the goals that will lead us to the outcome we expect. Goal setting is a key ingredient in the secret arsenal that successful people possess. My wish is that you follow suit. If you haven't done so yet, maybe you could set a goal... a vision of success... for one area of your life. After all... it's a start!! If you won't take my word ... heed the advice of the Cheshire Puss:

"Cheshire Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. "Come, it's pleased so far," thought Alice, and she went on. "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?'' "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where--" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. "--so long as I get SOMEWHERE," Alice added as an explanation. "Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if you only walk long enough."
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

It's her world too...

Recently I was listening to a song that had a well-known theme, "it's a man's world". The singer points out some of the challenges one might expect, but then noted almost victoriously (I might be projecting here) that it's not just a man's world... she says, "It's his world, but it's my world too." The singer Carlene Davis is offering a different paradigm for us to consider our reality. It's our world too.

No longer do we have the luxury of using the 'his world' apology. Whether or not there are corners of the world that still exist under that rule, we as women can no longer afford to let that be our crutch. Because even now there are others who are forging ahead and breaking barriers, records, and rules. Remember Amelia Earhart, Shannon Faulkner, and Janis Karpinski, or maybe you recognize these names Shirley Chisolm, Bonnie St. John, Althea Gibson, Oprah Winfrey, or Condeleezza Rice. If you don't know who these women are, you should certainly try and find out. They each had to overcome some very significant barriers to make their way. They knew it was a man's world but they also were determined to make their way and leave their mark. They did so in all their stylishly, feminine glory.

There are many things that can be learned from these women, but one of the things I will share for now is something one woman told me. She said, "I see so many women showing up in a work setting with low cut cleavage or dangerously short skirts, because it's the trend. Then they expect men to take them seriously. They get upset when the men seem to have a difficult time seeing above their chest." Well, that's something right there. You see, we can argue all we want how sexist that premise really is... and it is, but to ignore the truth therein is also a strategy for failure in today's world of work. I'm just saying.

So what's the lesson here? It is that you must present the strongest image of your best self. People will form an impression of you and your abilities... whether or not it's right. Ladies, ladies... look attractive, look approachable, and look like someone who is competent and serious about the work at hand. If however, you are in doubt, look ahead at those women who have gone ahead and become a success themselves. We are fortunate that in the 21st Century, we have quite an impressive group from which to choose. Look how they dress. Look at the ones who are taken very seriously. Use as many of them as you wish as your role models. It really might make a difference... at least this is what I tell my young ladies. What do you think? Add your voice... add a comment.

Conscious communication!!

Recently, I met a group of extraordinary students who asked me to share some insights on communicating effectively whether in the classroom or in the workplace. Well, here's the postscript... a slightly different take on two points: Who is your audience and What message are you sending them?

Who is your audience?

Is it the teacher or the school administrator? Might be the CEO, the maintenance worker, the mailroom clerk, your supervisor, or even your peer. You can learn about them - once you've identified them. You'll need to tailor your message accordingly.

Recently there is also a cyber audience on facebook, myspace, twitter, and others... you know the sites. So consider this - when you post that naughty picture on facebook? Are you communicating with your 30 friends? Is it also possible that you are communicating with your friends, and their friends, and their friends? How about the cyber-stalker that might cause harm? And did you think of this... you might even be communicating to a future employer who wanted to learn more about you before an interview for a desirable position.

Lesson # 1 Know your audience well, but since you won't always know who they are... make your message appropriate.

What is your message?

As global interactions increase, what we are communicating becomes very vital. There is so much to consider as we craft our messages. Recently I heard a 15 year old respond "IDK" rather than "I don't know". It made me raise an eyebrow but I did smile. Cyber-talk may just be another language to master.

But there are also messages we unwittingly transmit, like misleading or misdirected body language we send out in error. However, there is also a perception that you sometimes create for your audience.

The naughty facebook picture might leave the potential employer with a wrong impression of you. Sometimes that impression may hurt your opportunities. What is the image you want to communicate to your audience? Recently I found this quote, "Our bodies manifest the pictures our minds send to them." So with that, may I suggest you:

• Walk purposely! You are headed somewhere
• Dress neatly - you care about presentation
• Look someone in the eye - you can be trusted
• Stand tall - you have a right to be here
• Speak strong - you should be heard
• Be courteous - you respect yourself and others

Lesson #2: Some messages are unintentional, but they can still pack a whollop!!!

It's a lot... I know. But, remind your friends, tell your young people, remember we are helping develop tomorrow's leaders... all of us!

Is Fear anything more than False Events Appearing Real?? Seriously!!

Recently I met with two fellow writers. Although I look forward to our regular meetings, I was worried, I confessed. "Why?" they questioned. When I tried to bare my legitimate fear to these dear friends, they responded with scoffs and laughter. Friends did I say?

Then one woman put things in perspective for me. She said, "You know, it's like you're planning a road trip from New York to California, and you're already worried about where you're gonna have lunch in New Mexico. Except, you have not even left your driveway. In New York."

She was right!! I was worried about how I was going to market a book that I had not even finished writing. Now don't get me wrong. It's not that I shouldn't be thinking about marketing... of course I should. Thinking and planning... yes... but certainly not worrying?!! And talk about worrying to the point of paralysis... fuhgeddaboudit!

But many of us worry... and therein lies our fear. My fear? That my book might not sell. Yes, I told you... still in the driveway. (It's okay, you may laugh.) What is going on with this thing called fear? I spoke with some women who are extremely accomplished, and here's what one woman had to say on the subject:

"What are you afraid of? Afraid someone won't like you? Afraid someone will tell you no? Afraid someone will laugh at you? Afraid you'll fall on your face? So what? Huh... ? So what? Do it anyway. You don't get the job you want... go for another job! or go after the same job again! You don't get the house you want... go after another house! What are you afraid of??"

She is right, "So what?" And so here's what I wish I'd known... Most people won't laugh, but maybe one or two might. If you fall down, someone will definitely help you up. However, if you get told "no", so what? It certainly won't be the end of the world. So what are we afraid of?
What are the dreams we dared not try? What are the careers we did not pursue "because we are too old"? So what?

I read that Sojourner Truth was the first black woman to sue a white man (her former slave-owner) in court and win. This was in the 1820s y'all. A woman/former slave went up in what we can assume was a court with a white judge, white lawyers, and if necessary, white jurors, in a system definitely designed to favor the white citizen.... to sue her former owner who was white. Was she afraid? Maybe... but so what? She sued. And won!!

So here's my lesson ... the lesson I've learned and the thing I wish I'd known. Why we choose fear? I don't really know... but so many of us do. And I don't know why we worry about New Mexico, when we're still sitting in the driveway in New York. But that's our choice. However, I encourage you, don't let the fear stop your plans and deny your dreams. Don't freeze because you fear. Trust me... don't.

So what? so you miss the mark the first time... so what? So do it again! So what... if you go back to school now you'll be 40 or even 50, by the time you graduate... so what? You'll be 40 or 50 anyway, right? And so what ... you'll be nervous as all get out the first time you do something new... so what? Do it anyway.

Believe me when I tell you the more you do it... the less fear you'll have. So I encourage you to just do it anyway. You don't believe me? Check this out... think about a time - one time you dared to do something even though you felt afraid. You want to tell me about it? I would love to hear how you said "So what?"

Talk to me!! and thanks to my writer-friends.

One thing I wish I'd known...

Ever had an experience and found it rife with so many hills, valleys, cobwebs, and rocky places? So much so that you wished someone had given you advice to take a different route, or be authentic, set your priorities, say a different word, choose a different career, lose that friend and keep this friend, accept a job, speak your mind, hold your tongue...? Advice you think might have led you to live a more exalted life.

Part of the joy of life... the experience of living... emerges from the opportunity to carve our own road and learn from our own mistakes, but let's not kid ourselves... sometimes, as we look back we wish we'd known then what we now know.

This is especially true in the world of work. "If only I'd gotten (or heard) that piece of advice, I could have saved so much time/heartache/headache/yada-yada-yada... or lived more authentically"

A year ago I completed a research of corporate leaders and stumbled accidentally on a brilliant 'a-ha' when I asked them to reflect on their life. So now I want to broaden my audience and ask you this question...

As you look back on the journey of your work life, what do you wish you had been told? (what advice do you wish you'd been given?)

I hope you will post your thoughtful responses on this blog. Thank you...